All beautiful womanhood had come to him in the lane. Love had touched
him in the dusk and had flown away, but he had seen the splendor and
the glory, and his eyes had seen the enchanted light.
AVE ATQUE VALE
The old words sounded in his ears like the ending of a chant, and he
heard the music’s close. Once only in his weary hapless life, once the
world had passed away, and he had known her, the dear, dear Annie, the
symbol of all mystic womanhood.
The heaviness of languor still oppressed him, holding him back amongst
these old memories, so that he could not stir from his place. Oddly,
there seemed something unaccustomed about the darkness of the room, as
if the shadows he had summoned had changed the aspect of the walls. He
was conscious that on this night he was not altogether himself;
fatigue, and the weariness of sleep, and the waking vision had
perplexed him. He remembered how once or twice when he was a little boy
startled by an uneasy dream, and had stared with a frightened gaze into
nothingness, not knowing where he was, all trembling, and breathing
quick, till he touched the rail of his bed, and the familiar outlines
of the looking-glass and the chiffonier began to glimmer out of the
gloom. So now he touched the pile of manuscript and the desk at which
he had worked so many hours, and felt reassured, though he smiled at
himself, and he felt the old childish dread, the longing to cry out for
some one to bring a candle, and show him that he really was in his own
room. He glanced up for an instant, expecting to see perhaps the
glitter of the brass gas jet that was fixed on the wall, just beside
his bureau, but it was too dark, and he could not rouse himself and
make the effort that would drive the cloud and the muttering thoughts
away.
He leant back again, picturing the wet street without, the rain driving
like fountain spray about the gas lamp, the shrilling of the wind on
those waste places to the north. It was strange how in the brick and
stucco desert where no trees were, he all the time imagined the noise
of tossing boughs, the grinding of the boughs together. There was a
great storm and tumult in this wilderness of London, and for the sound
of the rain and the wind he could not hear the hum and jangle of the
trams, and the jar and shriek of the garden gates as they opened and
shut. But he could imagine his street, the rain-swept desolate curve of
it, as it turned northward, and beyond the empty suburban roads, the
twinkling villa windows, the ruined field, the broken lane, and then
yet another suburb rising, a solitary gas-lamp glimmering at a corner,
and the plane tree lashing its boughs, and driving great showers
against the glass.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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