Lucian of course sympathized with the unfortunate Bennett, but such
judgments were after all only natural. The young man might have stayed
in the bank and succeeded to his aunt’s thousand a year, and everybody
would have called him a very nice young fellow—“clever, too.” But he
had deliberately chosen, as Edward Dixon had said, to chuck his chances
away for the sake of literature; piety and a sense of the main chance
had alike pointed the way to a delicate course of wheedling, to a
little harmless practicing on Miss Spurry’s infirmities, to frequent
compliances of a soothing nature, and the “young ass” had been blind to
the direction of one and the other. It seemed almost right that the
vicar should moralize, that Edward Dixon should sneer, and that Mr.
Gervase should grow purple with contempt. Men, Lucian thought, were
like judges, who may pity the criminal in their hearts, but are forced
to vindicate the outraged majesty of the law by a severe sentence. He
felt the same considerations applied to his own case; he knew that his
father should have had more money, that his clothes should be newer and
of a better cut, that he should have gone to the university and made
good friends. If such had been his fortune he could have looked his
fellow-men proudly in the face, upright and unashamed. Having put on
the whole armor of a first-rate West End tailor, with money in his
purse, having taken anxious thought for the morrow, and having some
useful friends and good prospects; in such a case he might have held
his head high in a gentlemanly and Christian community. As it was he
had usually avoided the reproachful glance of his fellows, feeling that
he deserved their condemnation. But he had cherished for a long time
his romantic sentimentalities about women; literary conventions
borrowed from the minor poets and pseudo-medievalists, or so he thought
afterwards. But, fresh from school, wearied a little with the perpetual
society of barbarian though worthy boys, he had in his soul a charming
image of womanhood, before which he worshipped with mingled passion and
devotion. It was a nude figure, perhaps, but the shining arms were to
be wound about the neck of a vanquished knight; there was rest for the
head of a wounded lover; the hands were stretched forth to do works of
pity, and the smiling lips were to murmur not love alone, but
consolation in defeat. Here was the refuge for a broken heart; here the
scorn of men would but make tenderness increase; here was all pity and
all charity with loving-kindness. It was a delightful picture,
conceived in the “come rest on this bosom,” and “a ministering angel
thou” manner, with touches of allurement that made devotion all the
sweeter. He soon found that he had idealized a little; in the affair of
young Bennett, while the men were contemptuous the women were virulent.
He had been rather fond of Agatha Gervase, and she, so other ladies
said, had “set her cap” at him. Now, when he rebelled, and lost the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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