The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
A special committee, consisting of the entire club, was appointed to see
that every person was provided with all the necessaries of life, and the
requisites for having a juicy time.
In consideration of his being the mover of the scheme, it was moved that
J. Spout, Esq., should be empowered to procure from the livery-stable
the necessary conveyances, and should become personally responsible for
the same.
The proposition was agreed to, with a clause to the effect that when he
paid the bill he should treat the company with the change.
Each man then appointed every other man a committee to raise the means,
and keep himself sober until the appointed hour, after which they
adjourned to prepare.
At eight, by the City Hall clock (and, of course, half-past eight by
every other clock in the city) next morning, the convention was
incomplete.
For an hour there were three men lacking; but Mr. John I. Cake finally
made his appearance, with his breeches tucked into his boots, a
horsewhip in his hand, and a suspicious-looking protuberance immediately
over his left coat pocket. The attention of the company being called to
this, Johnny explained by saying that it was his Testament and
hymn-book, and that he had been all the morning engaged in turning down
the leaves at the proper places, so that he might not be interrupted in
his devotions. A half hour longer was appropriated in waiting for
Wagstaff and Overdale, but at the end of that time, those two worthies
failing to appear, the party resolved to start without them, Boggs
remarking, that if those tardy individuals failed to reach Heaven
because of their religious shortcomings, they could not say, in
extenuation of their offence, that their fraternal Elephants had not
waited a sufficient time to give them an opportunity for salvation.
The vehicles provided for the occasion were two single buggies, into
which all seven of the party were to pack themselves, a feat which was
finally accomplished, much to the detriment of Johnny Cake's
shirt-collar, and greatly to the discomfiture of Quackenbush, who had to
sit in behind, and let his legs hang over.
Van Dam took the reins of the foremost carriage, and his first exploit
was to run the wheel against the curb-stone, and spill the party into a
coal-hole, from which they were rescued by the exertions of the
bystanders. They once more started on their journey, under the
supervision of Quackenbush, who was recalled from the stern of the
craft, and made to assume the guidance of the crazy horse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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