The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
Van Dam, on being deprived of his charge, immediately went to sleep, and
waked no more, except when his companions roused him to pay the toll,
which they did at every gate, until there was no more small change in
his pockets than there is gunpowder in a tom-cat, after which they
offered to pay every time with a twenty-dollar bill, and as no one would
assume the responsibility of changing it, they passed free, and
proceeded merrily enough until they reached the encampment of the devout
darkeys.
There being no taverns immediately adjoining, the horses were made as
comfortable as circumstances would admit of, under a beech-tree, in a
clover-field, and the human part of the Elephantine delegation marched
in an exceedingly irregular procession to the camp ground; the line of
march being occasionally thrown into disorder by John Spout, who
persisted in making protracted and strenuous efforts to squeeze
something wet out of a Schiedam schnapps bottle, which had been dry as a
powder-horn ever since Quackenbush had his last pull at it.
A description of the sylvan scene which met their metropolitan gaze may
not be out of place.
It was in a clearing, in a piece of beech and maple woods. Stands were
erected for some of the prominent speakers; slabs were laid from stump
to stump, for the accommodation of such of the brothers and sisters as
desired to sit still and listen to the preaching, and in places straw
was laid on the ground, for the special benefit of such as had the
"power," and wanted to get down on the ground and have a private tussle
with the devil on their own account. Stands were erected under the
trees, in the shadiest spots, by enterprising white folks, for the sale
of gingerbread and root-beer, and it was rumored that some speculators,
distrusting the appearance of the "sperits of just men made perfeck,"
had supplied their place with other spirits, full as potent and equally
reliable.
The grass might have been agreeable to look upon at a distance, but a
close inspection showed it to be full of pismires; the stumps would have
been commodious seats, if they had not been most of them previously
appropriated by black-snakes; the sleeping places would have been tents,
if they had not been huts, and a poetical fancy might have pictured them
as being constructed of canvas, white as the driven snow, but the
practical mind instantly discovered that they were made of oak slabs and
dirty horse-blankets. Some imaginative people would have set down the
speaking of the ministers as eloquence if not inspiration, but a
critical individual would have found fault with the bad grammar, and
insinuated that the inspiration was all perspiration.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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