Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1702-1714 -- Humor; Political satire, English
I knew little of the matter; for when I inquired about her health, the
answer was that she was in a good moderate way. Physicians were sent for
in haste. Sir Roger, with great difficulty, brought Ratcliff; Garth came
upon the first message. There were several others called in, but, as
usual upon such occasions, they differed strangely at the consultation.
At last they divided into two parties; one sided with Garth, the other
with Ratcliff.* Dr. Garth said, "This case seems to me to be plainly
hysterical; the old woman is whimsical; it is a common thing for your
old women to be so; I'll pawn my life, blisters, with the steel diet,
will recover her." Others suggested strong purging and letting of blood,
because she was plethoric. Some went so far as to say the old woman
was mad, and nothing would be better than a little corporal correction.
Ratcliff said, "Gentlemen, you are mistaken in this case; it is plainly
an acute distemper, and she cannot hold out three days unless she is
supported with strong cordials." I came into the room with a good deal
of concern, and asked them what they thought of my mother? "In no manner
of danger, I vow to God," quoth Garth; "the old woman is hysterical,
fanciful, sir, I vow to God." "I tell you, sir," says Ratcliff, "she
cannot live three days to an end, unless there is some very effectual
course taken with her; she has a malignant fever." Then "fool," "puppy,"
and "blockhead," were the best words they gave. I could hardly restrain
them from throwing the ink-bottles at one another's heads. I forgot to
tell you that one party of the physicians desired I would take my sister
Peg into the house to nurse her, but the old gentlewoman would not hear
of that. At last one physician asked if the lady had ever been used to
take laudanum? Her maid answered, not that she knew; but, indeed, there
was a High German liveryman of hers, one Van Ptschirnsooker,** that gave
her a sort of a quack powder. The physician desired to see it. "Nay,"
says he, "there is opium in this, I am sure."
* Garth, the Low Church party. Ratcliff, High Church party.
** Van Ptschirnsooker, a bishop at that time, a great dealer
in politics and physic.
MRS. BULL.--I hope you examined a little into this matter?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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