Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1702-1714 -- Humor; Political satire, English
Law is a bottomless pit; it is a cormorant, a harpy, that devours
everything. John Bull was flattered by the lawyers that his suit would
not last above a year or two at most; that before that time he would be
in quiet possession of his business; yet ten long years did Hocus steer
his cause through all the meanders of the law and all the courts. No
skill, no address was wanting, and, to say truth, John did not starve
the cause; there wanted not yellowboys to fee counsel, hire witnesses,
and bribe juries. Lord Strutt was generally cast, never had one verdict
in his favour, and John was promised that the next, and the next, would
be the final determination; but, alas! that final determination and
happy conclusion was like an enchanted island; the nearer John came to
it the further it went from him. New trials upon new points still arose,
new doubts, new matters to be cleared; in short, lawyers seldom part
with so good a cause till they have got the oyster and their clients the
shell. John's ready money, book debts, bonds, mortgages, all went into
the lawyers' pockets. Then John began to borrow money upon Bank Stock
and East India Bonds. Now and then a farm went to pot. At last it was
thought a good expedient to set up Esquire South's title to prove the
will forged and dispossess Philip Lord Strutt at once. Here again was a
new field for the lawyers, and the cause grew more intricate than
ever. John grew madder and madder; wherever he met any of Lord Strutt's
servants he tore off their clothes. Now and then you would see them
come home naked, without shoes, stockings, and linen. As for old Lewis
Baboon, he was reduced to his last shift, though he had as many as any
other. His children were reduced from rich silks to doily stuffs, his
servants in rags and barefooted; instead of good victuals they now lived
upon neck beef and bullock's liver. In short, nobody got much by the
matter but the men of law.
CHAPTER VII. How John Bull was so mightily pleased with his success that
he was going to leave off his trade and turn Lawyer.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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