The History of Miss Betsy ThoughtlessHaywood, Eliza Fowler
General
The History of Miss Betsy Thoughtless
Haywood, Eliza Fowler
Abused wives -- Fiction; Bildungsromans; Didactic fiction; England -- Fiction; Married women -- Fiction
I doubt not but you are acquainted with Mr. Goodman's behaviour to
me; but, oh! I fear you are too insensible of the agonies in which
my soul labours through his cruel caution. Dreadful is the loss of
sight, yet what is sight to me, when it presents not you! Though I
saw you regardless of my ardent passion, yet still I saw you--and
while I did so, could not be wholly wretched! What have I not
endured since deprived of that only joy for which I wish to live!
Had it not been improper for me to have been seen near Mr.
Goodman's house, after having been forbid entrance to it, I should
have dwelt for ever in your street, in hope of sometimes getting a
glimpse of you from one or other of the windows: this I thought
would be taken notice of, and might offend you; but darkness freed
me from these apprehensions, and gave me the consolation of
breathing in the same air with you. Soon as I thought all watchful
eyes were closed, I flew to the place, which, wherever my body is,
contains my heart and all it's faculties. I pleased myself with
looking on the roof that covers you, and invoked every star to
present me to you in your sleep, in a form more agreeable than I
can hope I ever appeared in to your waking fancy. Thus I have
passed each night; and when the morning dawned, unwillingly retired
to take that rest which nature more especially demands, when heavy
melancholy oppresses the heart. I slept--but how? Distracting
images swam in my tormented brain, and waked me with horrors
inconceivable. Equally lost to business, as to all social commerce,
I fly mankind; and, like some discontented ghost, seek out the most
solitary walks, and lonely shades, to pour forth my complaints. O
Miss Betsy! I cannot live, if longer denied the sight of you! In
pity to my sufferings, permit me yet once more to speak to you,
even though it be to take a last farewel. I have made a little kind
of interest with the woman at the habit-shop in Covent Garden,
where I know you sometimes go; I dread to intreat you would call
there to-morrow; yet, if you are so divinely good, be assured I
shall entertain no presuming hopes on the condescension you shall
be pleased to make me, but acknowledge it as the mere effect of
that compassion which is inherent to a generous mind. Alas! I must
be much more worthy than I can yet pretend to be, before I dare
flatter myself with owing any thing to a more soft emotion, than
that I have mentioned. Accuse me not, therefore, of too much
boldness in this petition, but grant to my despair what you would
deny to the love of your most faithful, and everlasting slave,
H. SAVING.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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