English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"It is. That's the tragedy of it. I used to BE young; now I KEEP
young. And I used to say, 'I'll insure my life SOME day'; but now I
think about doing it to-day. When once you stop saying 'some day'
you're getting old, you know."
"Some day," said Miss Middleton, "you must tell me all about the
Crimea. Not now," she went on quickly, "because you're going to do
something very silly in a moment, if I can think of it--something
to convince yourself that you are still quite young."
"Yes, do let me. I really think it would do me good."
"Well, what can you do?"
"Can I break anything?" I asked, looking round the room.
"I really don't think you must. Mother's very silly about things
like that. I'm SO sorry; father and I would love it, of course."
"Can I go into the kitchen and frighten the cook?"
Miss Middleton sighed mournfully.
"ISN'T it a shame," she said, "that mothers object to all the really
nice things?"
"Mrs Middleton is a little difficult to please. I shall give up
trying directly. What about blacking my face and calling on the
Vicar for a subscription?"
"I should laugh in church on Sunday thinking of it. I always do."
I lit another cigarette and smoked it thoughtfully.
"I have a brilliant idea," I said at last.
"Something really silly?"
"Something preposterously foolish. It seems to me just now the most
idiotic thing I could possibly do."
"Tell me!" beseeched Miss Middleton, clasping her hands.
"I shall," I said, gurgling with laughter, "insure my life."
IV.-THE HERALD OF SUMMER
MISS MIDDLETON has a garden of which she is very proud. Miss
Middleton's father says it belongs to him, and this idea is fostered
to the extent that he is allowed to pay for the seeds and cuttings
and things. He is also encouraged to order the men about. But I
always think of it as Miss Middleton's garden, particularly when the
afternoons are hot and I see nothing but grimy bricks out of my
window. She knows all the flowers by name, which seems to me rather
remarkable.
"I have come," I announced, feeling that some excuse was necessary,
"to see the lobretias; don't say that they are out. I mean, of
course, do say that they are out."
"But I don't think we have any," she said in surprise. "I've never
heard of them. What are they like?"
"They're just the ordinary sort of flower that people point to and
say, 'That's a nice lobretia.' Dash it, you've got a garden, you
ought to know."
"I am afraid," smiled Miss Middleton, "that there isn't such a
flower--not yet. Perhaps somebody will invent it now they've got the
name."
"Then I suppose I must go back to London," I said, getting up.
"Bother."
"Stay and inspect the meter," pleaded Miss Middleton. "Or ask father
for a subscription for the band. Surely you can think of SOME excuse
for being here."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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