"Then, except for birthdays, how do you know you ARE older?" I looked at her and saw that I could trust her. "May I confess to you?" I asked. "But of course!" she cried eagerly. "I love confessions." She settled herself comfortably in her chair. "Make it as horrible as you can," she begged. I picked a coal out of the fire with the tongs and lit my cigarette. "I know that I'm getting old," I said; "I know that my innocent youth is leaving me, because of the strange and terrible things which I find myself doing." "Oo-o-o-oh," said Miss Middleton happily to herself. "Last Monday, about three o'clock in the afternoon, I--No, I can't tell you this. It's too awful." "Is it very bad?" said Miss Middleton wistfully. "Very. I don't think you--Oh, well, if you must have it, here it is. Last Monday I suddenly found myself reading carefully and with every sign of interest a little pamphlet on--LIFE INSURANCE!" Miss Middleton looked at me quickly, smiled suddenly, and then became very grave. "I appeared," I went on impressively, "to be thinking of insuring my life." "Have you done it?" "No, certainly not. I drew back in time. But it was a warning--it was the writing on the wall." "Tell me some more," said Miss Middleton, after she had allowed this to sink in. "Well, that was Monday afternoon. I told myself that in the afternoon one wasn't quite responsible, that sometimes one was only half awake. But on Tuesday morning I was horrified to discover myself--before breakfast--DOING DUMB-BELLS!" "The smelling-salts--quick!" said Miss Middleton, as she closed her eyes. "Doing dumb-bells. Ten lunges to the east, ten lunges to the west, ten lunges--" "Were you reducing your figure?" "I don't know what I was doing. But there I found myself on the cold oil-cloth, lunging away--lunging and lunging and--" I stopped and gazed into the fire again. "Is that all you have to tell me?" said Miss Middleton. "That's the worst. But there have been other little symptoms--little warning notes which all mean the same thing. Yesterday I went into the bank, to get some money. As I began to fill in the cheque Conscience whispered to me, 'That's the third five pounds you've had out this week.'" "Well, of all the impertinence--What did you do?" "Made it ten pounds, of course. But there you are; you see what's happening. This morning I answered a letter by return of post. And did you notice what occurred only just now at tea?" "Of course I did," said Miss Middleton indignantly. "You ate all the muffins." "No, I don't mean that at all. What I mean is that I only had three lumps of sugar in each cup. I actually stopped you when you were putting the fourth lump in. Oh yes," I said bitterly, "I am getting on." Miss Middleton poked the fire vigorously. "About the lunges," she said. "Ten to the east, ten to the west, ten to the nor'-nor'-east, ten to-" "Yes. Well, I should have thought that that was just the thing to keep you young."