English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
[At the word "Bootle," a wave of warm colour rushes over Alice and
dyes her from neck to brow. If she is not an actress of sufficient
calibre to ensure this, she must do the best she can by starting
abruptly and putting her hand to her throat.
Alice (aside, in a choking voice). Mr Bootle! In love with Jane!
Jane. My dear! The man who took me down to dinner! Well!
Alice (picking up her work again and trying to be calm). What will
you say?
Jane (rather pleased with herself). Well, really--I--this is--Mr
Bootle! Fancy!
Alice (starting up). Was that a ring? (She frowns at the prompter
and a bell is heard to ring.) It is Mr Bootle! I know his ring, I
mean I know--Dear, I think I will go and lie down. I have a
headache.
[She looks miserably at the audience, closes her eyes, and goes off
with her handkerchief to her mouth, taking care not to fall over the
furniture.
Enter Mary, followed by James Bootle.
Mary. Mr Bootle. (Exit finally.)
Jane. Good-morning, Mr Bootle!
Bootle. I beg--I thought--Why, of course! It's Miss--er-h'm,
yes--How do you do? Did you get back safely last night?
Jane. Yes, thank you, (Coyly.) I got your letter.
Bootle. My letter? (Sees his letter on the table. Furiously.) You
opened my letter!
Jane (mistaking his fury for passion). Yes--James. And (looking
down on the ground) the answer is "Yes."
Bootle (realizing the situation). By George!
(Aside.) I have proposed to the wrong lady! Tchck!
Jane. You may kiss me, James.
Bootle. Have you a sister?
Jane (missing the connection). Yes, I have a younger sister, Alice.
(Coldly.) But I hardly see--
Bootle (beginning to understand how he made the mistake). A younger
sister! Then you are Miss Prendergast? And my letter--Ah!
Enter Alice.
Alice. You are wanted, Jane, a moment.
Jane. Will you excuse me, Mr Bootle? [Exit.
Bootle (to Alice, as she follows her sister out). Don't go!
Alice (wanly--if she knows how). Am I to stay and congratulate you?
Bootle. Alice! (They approach the footlights, while Jane, having
finished her business, comes in unobserved and watches from the
back.) It is all a mistake! I didn't know your Christian name--I
didn't know you had a sister. The letter I addressed to Miss
Prendergast I meant for Miss Alice Prendergast.
Alice. James! My love! But what can we do?
Bootle (gloomily). Nothing. As a man of honour I cannot withdraw. So
two lives are ruined!
Alice. You are right, James. Jane must never know. Good-bye!
[They give each other a farewell embrace.
Jane (aside). They love. (Fiercely.) But he is mine; I will hold him
to his promise! (Picking up a photograph of Alice as a small child
from an occasional table.) Little Alice! And I promised to take care
of her--to protect her from the cruel world Baby Alice! (She puts
her handkerchief to her eyes.) No! I will not spoil two lives!
(Aloud.) Why "Good-bye," Alice?
[Bootle and Alice, who have been embracing all this time--unless
they can think of something else to do--break away in surprise.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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