English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Rupert frowned; the man seemed impervious to the simplest
suggestion. With masterly decision he tapped his pince-nez and fell
back upon his third line of defence. "You saw her steal them? What
you mean is that you saw her take them from the different counters
and put them in her bag?"
"Yes."
"With the intention of paying for them in the ordinary way?"
"No."
"Please be very careful. You said in your evidence that the
prisoner, when told she would be charged, cried, 'To think that I
should have come to this! Will no one save me?' I suggest that she
went up to you with her collection of purchases, pulled out her
purse, and said, 'What does all this come to? I can't get any one to
serve me.'"
"No."
The obstinacy of some people! Rupert put back his pince-nez in his
pocket and brought out another pair. The historic cross-examination
continued.
"We will let that pass for the moment," he said. He consulted a
sheet of paper and then looked sternly at Mr Jobson. "Mr Jobson, how
many times have you been married?"
"Once."
"Quite so." He hesitated and then decided to risk it. "I suggest
that your wife left you?"
"Yes."
It was a long shot, but once again the bold course had paid. Rupert
heaved a sigh of relief.
"Will you tell the gentlemen of the jury," he said with deadly
politeness, "WHY she left you?"
"She died."
A lesser man might have been embarrassed, but Rupert's iron nerve
did not fail him.
"Exactly!" he said. "And was that or was that not on the night when
you were turned out of the Hampstead Parliament for intoxication?"
"I never was."
"Indeed? Will you cast your mind back to the night of April 24th,
1897? What were you doing on that night?"
"I have no idea," said Jobson, after casting his mind back and
waiting in vain for some result.
"In that case you cannot swear that you were not being turned out of
the Hampstead Parliament--"
"But I never belonged to it."
Rupert leaped at the damaging admission.
"What? You told the Court that you lived at Hampstead, and yet you
say that you never belonged to the Hampstead Parliament? Is THAT
your idea of patriotism?"
"I said I lived at Hackney."
"To the Hackney Parliament, I should say. I am suggesting that you
were turned out of the Hackney Parliament for--"
"I don't belong to that either."
"Exactly!" said Rupert triumphantly. "Having been turned out for
intoxication?"
"And never did belong."
"Indeed? May I take it then that you prefer to spend your evenings
in the public-house?"
"If you want to know," said Jobson angrily, "I belong to the Hackney
Chess Circle, and that takes up most of my evenings."
Rupert gave a sigh of satisfaction and turned to the jury.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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