Domestic fiction; Families -- Fiction; Sex role -- Fiction; Spouses -- Fiction
Lester Knapp acknowledged his three-minute crime by a nervous start of
astonishment and then by a fatigued nod of his head. All the swelling
fabric of his thoughts fell in a sodden heap, amounting to nothing at
all, as usual. He hung up his coat and hat and sat down on the same
old stool. He was no good; that was the matter with him--the whole
matter. He was just no good at all--for anything. What right had he to
criticize anybody at all, when anybody at all amounted to more than he!
He was a man who couldn’t get on in business, who couldn’t even get to
his work on time. He must have been standing on the sidewalk outside,
not knowing where he was, lost in that hot sympathy with childhood.
But nine o’clock is not the time to feel sympathy with anything. Nine
o’clock is sacred to the manipulation of a card catalogue of customers’
bills.
The spiked ball within him gave another lurch and tore at his vitals.
Lord, how sick of life that dyspepsia made you! It took the very heart
out of you so that, like a man on the rack, you were willing to admit
anything your accusers asserted. He admitted thus what everybody
tacitly asserted, that the trouble was all with him, with his weakness,
with his feeble vitality, with his futile disgusts at the organization
of the world he lived in, with his unmanly failure to seize other men
by the throat and force out of them the things his family needed.
Sympathy for childhood nothing! If he felt any real sympathy for his
own children, he’d somehow get more money to give them. What were
fathers for, if not for that? If he were a “man among men,” he would
do as other manly men did: use his wits to force the mothers of other
children to spend more money than they ought on material possessions
and thus have that money to spend in giving more material possessions
to his own.
And even the bitter way he phrased his surrender--yes, he knew that
everybody would say that it was a weak man’s sour-grapes denunciation
of what he was not strong enough to get. And they would be right. It
was.
He bent his long, lean, sallow face over the desk, looking disdainful
and bad-tempered as he always did when he was especially wretched and
unhappy.
Harvey Bronson glanced at him and thought, “What a lemon to have
around! He’d sour the milk by looking at it!”
Presently, as often happened to Lester, a lovely thing bloomed
there, silent, unseen. Through the crazy, rhythmless chatter of the
typewriters in the office, through the endless items on the endless
bills, he heard it coming, as from a great distance, on radiant feet.
It was only rhythm at first, divine, ordered rhythm, putting to flight
the senseless confusion of what lay about him.
And then there glowed before him the glory of the words, the
breath-taking upward lift of the first one, the sonorous cadences of
the lines that followed, the majestic march of the end.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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