Already during his gymnasium years (high school) his mind was distracted
and he barely managed to squeeze through his finals (_Matura_). He was
always bashful and avoided the colleagues who spoke cynically among
themselves about girls so that he was called “Miss Sigma.” For a few
years he lived away from home. They lived formerly in the country and he
had to stay in Copenhagen. He lived with some older sisters with whom he
did not get along very well. He played music with them, joined them on
walks, experienced considerable excitation ... short of erotism. His
whole erotic feeling was directed only to men and boys. In the course of
his endless day dream fancies he never thought of a woman at any time in
his life. He dreams only of men and thinks only of them. That concludes
the first visit.
Sigma again emphasizes his one-sided inclination towards men.
Nevertheless he must correct a small detail of his account as given on
the previous day. This, I repeat, is a common typical occurrence in the
anamnesis of homosexuals. When giving an account of their life they
neglect entirely all the heterosexual episodes. But today Sigma adds
that occasionally he did have erotic dreams concerning women; perhaps
four or five times. But not more often than that. These dreams led to
pollutions and were rather indefinite as to content. Sigma was also in
love, transiently, with a girl cousin, at sixteen years of age. He at
once attempts to weaken the force of this declaration: it was merely a
pastime, a pose, because an uncle was in love with the same girl. He
thought it was his duty also to make love to this girl cousin. But it
was soon over. And he must emphasize again that he never indulged in any
phantasies centering on women. He had such phantasies. But they were
always about men.
He was brought up almost wholly in female society. If his mother was
away, there was an aunt in the house who looked after him. He was taken
to school and was called for when he was already a grown-up boy—the
typical training for dependence. His mother wanted to procure friends
for him. There were always some boys whom she wished he would accept as
his friends. But usually he himself found nothing in those particular
boys to interest him. If he himself chose some boy for a friend his
mother was sure to interpose her veto as soon as their friendship became
too warm. And he was always prone to fall in love with his friends. He
composed poetry at a very early age, deifying his friends; to this day
his poems are devoted almost wholly to Eros Uranos.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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