The next dream carries us deeply into the structure of his
homosexuality. First he relates the dream as he had written it down and
then he adds reluctantly the portion indicated as “additional.” The
addition usually contains the most important features.
The dream just before falling asleep:
_Place_: _the grotto across the_ Schönbrunn _Castle. I was descending
the rocky incline and reached the lowermost declivity. I was very much
afraid of falling into the water basin. I was wondering what to do, and
I had the feeling that back of me, instead of rocks there were high
stairs which I could never climb up. Suddenly I found myself on level
ground, beyond the water. An automobile passed me by noiselessly and
with lightning rapidity disappearing specter-like in the bushes. I saw
no driver and nobody else in the machine. It seemed very uncanny but
presently I knew that I was at home and in my bed. I should have liked
to keep on dreaming but the wish to hold on to what I had dreamed thus
far prevailed over all other desires. I was afraid I should forget my
phantasy so far as it had unfolded and that I should have nothing to
report to my consultant._
_Shortly afterwards I fell actually asleep and i dreamed a great deal. I
have tried to recall some of the things in the morning. It seems
noteworthy that the dreams were but lightly intimated rather than
carried out; there was always still something more about to take place
but the next dream picture intruded before the previous one was all
done._
Additional: _Once I found myself in a theater in the first row of a
balcony. Tristan was being given for the occasion. Instead of the
orchestra leader, André Rose was leading. A fine one-year volunteer_,
Einjahrig-Freiwilliger, _back of me, in the second row, was singing
Tristan in the style of the modern recital song. Next to me sat my aunt
who is linked with memories of my kindergarten age. I had the unpleasant
feeling that I was involuntarily sliding down towards the ground floor,
and therefore I leaned heavily back in my seat stretching out my legs
and trying to support myself by pressing my toes against the foot
support (bed foot-board?). I had the uncanny feeling that the foot rest
might give way and fall off like a piece of paste board. I begged my
aunt to lift me carefully. I felt like a very sick person. Sitting again
upright I felt well and refreshed and I was just in time to see the
curtain drop over the stage and a number of persons appearing in front
of it, among them several gentlemen in evening dress. Obviously the
performance is being cancelled. The public broke into ironic applause,
whistled and howled._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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