69. Miss Ilse—we shall call her by that name—after a series of various
exciting episodes has fallen a victim to depression, during which she
lost a great deal of weight, but in spite of a successful fattening
régime her stay at a sanitarium did not effect a complete cure. She is
an impressively attractive girl, 24 years of age, voluptuous, feminine
in every way up to her angular, somewhat energetic nose and prominent,
curved eyebrows. Her mother, of whom the girl speaks with much feeling,
believes that the girl’s breakdown dates from the death of the father.
Ilse irritatedly contradicts the mother several times, breaking into a
quarrelsome attitude towards her mother over trifles. Reprimanded by her
mother, she falls into her depression and speaks no word. I take her
under treatment and for a week I have in her a heavy burden on my hands.
She hardly says anything, is very negativistic in her attitude, only
muttering from time to time: “Don’t trouble yourself. It will never be
any different. Better give me something that will put me quickly out of
the way.” She livens up somewhat only when referring to her
father,—thinks he should have not passed away. The mother should have
called in a specialist. In fact, it was as much her fault as anybody’s,
for she had failed to insist on calling the best aid while there was
time.
Gradually she extends me her confidence and one day she appears,—like a
changed person. She must tell me the truth. She is not a normal person.
Since childhood she has been homosexual and had never cared for men. Her
mother had implied as much when she said to me: “I cannot understand the
girl. She always fled from the room when young men called on Alfred (her
brother). The girl is a man hater.” This fact the girl had denied during
the first visit, but now she herself admitted. She had never cared for
men. On the other hand, at 11 years of age she had already fallen
passionately in love with a woman school teacher. She was a frolicsome
girl, often wore her brother’s clothes, and played with all the young
boys of the neighborhood. At 14 years of age she again fell in love with
a girl friend.
Her current depression is due to a terrible disappointment. She had
maintained a love affair with a French woman and was happy. She said
nothing about the character of the relations, but admitted that they
were very intimate. Suddenly she found out that the French woman was not
true to her, but was keeping up intimate relations more often with other
girls than with her. She suffered tremendously on account of her
jealousy. She began to feel a disgust against all women not unlike her
former aversion to men. Asked why she was so antagonistic to men, she
answered: “Because they are, all, without exception, disgusting
brutes....”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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