Then came the engagement and her sister’s marriage. Her heart bled at
that terrible act of treason and her feelings hardened. She hated
everything, she was against the whole world: against the mother who
instigated the match, against the other sisters, who had also favored
it, against the brothers who did not oppose it. Only an old nurse woman
who had always stood by her and was her staff of support, exceptionally
escaped her hatred remaining a sort of solitary ray of affection. But
the house was filled with memories of the beloved sister. The pieces of
furniture were mute but eloquent witnesses of her former happy love
state. They should not be profaned by the presence of the unfaithful,
changed sister! She hated the children, wishing they were dead and at
the same time she was afraid she might hurt them. Two souls struggled in
her breast: one a criminal, the other ethical. The sight of the children
was repulsive to her. They bore the traits of the sister and of the man
who had stolen her away.
Her whole possessions consisted now of her memory and the household
goods, the old rooms furnished the necessary real background for her
phantasies. “Memory is the only paradise from which we cannot be driven
out,” said _Jean Paul_. Her residence became to her a temple of memory,
a sanctuary where every piece of furniture recalled the past happiness
in which she still projected herself. For her days passed in dreaming
and weaving of fancies. She idled away sweet hours and days continually
dreaming only of her sister. Criminal fancies of poisoning all the
others finally led her, by way of punishment, to fear poisoning. She
quit eating anything at the table, as she formerly did. She suspected
poison in every food. She began to vomit after her meals. She kept away
from everybody except one woman friend who stuck to her faithfully and
who shared her revulsion of feeling against the sister. She lived
continually in fear she might kill her mother because the imperative
(kill her!) kept cropping up all the time. She avoided men. All attempts
to interest her in some man eventually to get her married off proved
fruitless....
The home was her temple which must not be soiled. All her devotion and
her affection were centered daily on that spot.
The case approaches closely the realm of psychosis.
After a course of psychoanalysis lasting about one half year she
improved a great deal. She was able to tolerate her sister’s visits, was
free of the obsessive thought of killing her mother, was again able to
eat any food and her “nervous” vomiting ceased altogether. A very
favorable offer of marriage she rejected. She still avoided men as
resolutely as ever.
We turn to the next case.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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