75. Mr. R. T., a well-known poet, only 31 years of age, is also a victim
of morbid jealousy and has already experienced very serious conflicts on
that account. He was always fixed on his family and lived exclusively
for his parents and other members of the immediate family circle. He
clung particularly to the mother, with worshipful affection. At 18 years
of age he began to fall in love with all his friends’ “girls.” He even
fell in love with a street woman whom his best friend often visited.
Already at that time he showed a strong jealous streak and he asked that
woman to give up her unfortunate way of living. (That is a typical
experience with young fellows who are fixed on the mother. They seek out
a polar obverse to their mother’s character and associate with that
person a fancy of being the savior. The savior phantasy covers,
according to my investigation, merely the wish to save one’s self....)
He was soon through with this love affair, although it had broken out
with great passion, and had to leave Berlin because he could not get
along with his parents. He always quarreled with his mother and that
interfered with his creative work.
Meanwhile he became very famous and was earning a very comfortable
income. He fell into the habit of spending his nights at restaurants and
other amusement places in the company of friends and of returning home
in the early morning hours. He woke up at noon and wrote a few hours
during the afternoon,—that was his only work.
At a certain cabaret he became acquainted with a girl who was in charge
of the bar. She was 35 years of age at the time, but gave her age as 28,
and in fact looked much younger than she was. He began having relations
with that girl, looking upon the affair as a trivial adventure, at
first. He knew that she was being supported by a Count but this did not
prevent him from allowing her to choose him for her “heart love.” He was
tremendously flattered that this girl, or perhaps we would better say,
this woman, preferred him to all others and loved him so
disinterestedly. His affection grew daily, also her love for him. She
finally gave up her Count and told our young man that she loved him
only, and would never again give herself to any other man. It made him
very happy; they rented lodgings together. But soon he requested her to
give up her position at the bar, because there she came into too close
contact with men. She did that very willingly. Before they had taken up
lodgings together he had asked her to give him a complete history of her
past life. She told him a very romantic life history and mentioned four
men who had had sexual relations with her. (As a matter of fact dozens
of men had cohabited with her.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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