London (England) -- Fiction; Theater -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
"Yes, I am. If I hadn’t been on the stage Fred wouldn’t have thought I
was easy fruit, and I shouldn’t have known what he wanted from the
start. I went over the line because I knew living with him was all he
expected, or I could expect. I don’t say I wouldn’t rather be married
and respectable, but as I couldn’t have Fred that way, I’ve got to put
up without it. Marriage and the stage are like oil and vinegar. They
don’t mix. Look at Mrs. Lambert and her husband. Look at the girls who
marry noblemen. Don’t they keep the divorce court busy? And you can’t
do any good on the stage without a man at the back of you. Make up your
mind to that. You’ve got to bury your conscience like a dog does a
bone. At first you keep on going back to it to see if it’s there, and
one day you forget all about it, or you find it’s gone. That’s the big
difference between you and the dog.... So you’ve come back to this
hole, Lexie. Do you think I don’t know what you feel about it? You’re
like Cinderella, only you’ve been to the funeral of your fairy
god-mother. I suppose you’ll hold out while your money lasts, and then
begin the old fight all over again. But there won’t be so much fight
left in you. You don’t _feel_ like fighting. You don’t feel the same.
You said so, just now.... Lexie dear, don’t think of your old pal Maggy
as a she-devil taking you up on top of a mountain and tempting you. But
I do want you to make the most of your chances. I honestly believe if
you take things as they come you won’t be sorry. You’re sure to meet
some nice man sometime. If he’s able to—to keep you, do give in. If
you love him you’ll want to. And what’s the use of giving love the cold
shoulder simply because he doesn’t always go about with a marriage
license in his pocket? If it’s wrong to talk like that all I can say is
I’d rather love without marriage than not love at all, even though I
knew I was going to be burnt to a cinder for it."
"Perhaps I’m asbestos—"
"All the better if you are: you’ll stand it better. Anyhow, asbestos
gets hot.... Lexie, I haven’t a regret in the world. I was a bit down
on my luck before I was ill, but now I’m well again, I’m glad that I’m
Maggy who loves her Fred."
Alexandra sat staring in front of her, turning Maggy’s advice over in
her mind. She knew she meant every word she said. She recalled Mrs.
Lambert’s views about the stage. She had less faith in her powers of
endurance now. Privation and disappointment had done their work. In
easy circumstances any one may withstand temptation: surrender comes
with adversity. At the present moment Alexandra was not actually in
touch with adversity. She felt capable of holding out against
temptation.
"I shan’t give in," she said with a little of her old tenacity. "I’m
going to try and write."
"What?" asked Maggy blankly.
"My experiences."
"But you haven’t had any."
"You and Mrs. Lambert and all that you both have told me are
experiences."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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