"Alas, what a divine creature is man, after all!" sighs Mr. Tawnish, with a shake of the head, "small matter of wonder if I cannot attain unto so high an estate; for I beg you to observe that though I am tolerably efficient in the use of my weapon" (here he laid his hand lightly upon the silver hilt of his small-sword), "though I can tell a spavined horse from a sound one, and can lose a trifle without positive tears, yet--and I say it with a sense of my extreme unworthiness--I have an excessive and abiding horror of mud, or dirt in any shape or form. But is there no other way, Sir John? In remote times it was the custom in such cases to set the lover some arduous task--some enterprise to try his worth. Come now, in justice do the same by me, I beg, and no matter how difficult the undertaking, I promise you shall at least find me zealous." "Come, Jack," cries Bentley, suddenly, "smite me, but that's very fair and sportsmanlike! How think you, Dick?" "Why, for once I agree with you, Bentley," says I, "'tis an offer not devoid of spirit, and should be accepted as such." Jack sat down, took two gulps of wine, and rose again. "Mr. Tawnish," says he, "since these gentlemen are in unison upon the matter, and further, knowing they have the good of the Lady Penelope at heart as much as I, I will accept your proposition, and we will, each of us, set you a task. But, sir, I warn you, do not delude yourself with false hopes; you shall not find them over-easy, I'll warrant." Mr. Tawnish bowed, with the very slightest shrug of his shoulders. "Firstly, then," Jack began, "you must--er--must--" Here he paused to rub his chin and stare at his boots. "Firstly," he began again, "if you shall succeed in doing--" Here his eyes wandered slowly up to the rafters, and down again to me. "Curse it, Dick!" he broke off, "what the devil must he do?" "Firstly," I put in, "you must accomplish some feat the which each one of us three shall avow to be beyond him." "Good!" cries Jack, rubbing his hands, "excellent--so much for the first. Secondly--I say secondly--er--ha, yes--you must make a public laughing stock of that quarrelsome puppy, Sir Harry Raikes. Raikes is a dangerous fellow and generally pinks his man, sir." "So they tell me," nodded Mr. Tawnish, jotting down a few lines in his memorandum. "Thirdly," ended Bentley, "you must succeed in placing all three of us--namely, Sir Richard Eden, Sir John Chester, and myself--together and at the same time, at a disadvantage." "Now, sir," says Jack, complacently, "prove your manhood equal to these three tasks, and you shall be free to woo and wed the Lady Penelope whenever you will. How say you, Dick and Bentley?" "Agreed," we replied.