He answered without my question, with no bitterness in his voice,
when he went on. Sometimes the chain had been stretched almost to
the breaking point, and the house had seen bad days. He pictured it
ploughing the waves like a strong ship that has an unerring pilot at
the helm. His voice, which in the old days had so joyfully related the
exploits of heroes, seemed now to rise, with growing exaltation, into a
sort of hymn to the house. It was the poem of the land, the race, the
family, it was the history of our realm, our dynasty.
Through the years that have fled since then, the memory of that day,
far from weakening, has grown more full of meaning to my eyes. My
father had measured the length of the road which I had followed
in separating myself from him, and was endeavouring to recall me,
to overtake me, to attach me to himself again. Before resorting to
authority he was trying to kindle my imagination, awaken my heart, free
them from chimeras and set before them an object capable of moving
them. Only, hemmed in on all sides as he was by the pressure of daily
duty, he had felt the need of haste, he had only this one day, a part
of which was already gone, only a few fleeting hours in which to effect
my transformation. He was hoping to regain his lost son by a single
effort, counting upon his incomparable art of winning men, of subduing
them to himself.
Now, so late, I realise that all he was saying to convince me, to
awaken in me an emotion which should free me from my bonds, must have
been as noble as a Homeric song. Even then I had some inward intuition
of it. I do not know if ever more eloquent words were uttered than
those he spoke to me upon that hilltop, while evening was slowly
beginning to paint the sky and breathe peace upon the earth. I can find
no other words to express it,--he was paying court to me like a lover
who feels that he is not loved, who yet knows that his love alone can
bestow happiness. The affection of a father descends, calls to ours to
rise to it; but his, by a unique privilege which in no sense lowered
its pride, rose to me, enveloped me, implored me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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