Why had he left her? If he had been strong enough to keep love within
the bounds of perfect friendship, she, the unawakened girl, living in
passionate commune with intellectual and spiritual ideals, would have
found for some years, at least, all her cravings satisfied in such a
tender and innocent intercourse. And if he had claimed her body and her
soul, God knows they were his for the taking.
So why? Why the breaking of so many lives? His own, so vivid, most of
all.
* * * * *
In the quivering splendour of her one girlish month of love, a
distracted Semele, she had scarcely seen her Jovian lover, as he was in
human form. She pictured him, Heaven knows how romantically. But always,
in her picturing, she took for granted the canon of chiaroscuro, of
light and shade. In judging him afterwards, she had no conception of a
being to whom compromise was damnation. A phrase—an instinctive cutter
of Gordian knots—might have brought illumination; but there was none to
utter it.
She was amazed, dumbfounded, conscience-stricken, all but
soul-destroyed, when the astounding fact of John Baltazar’s
disappearance became known. The familiar houses and trees and hedges on
the Newnham Road pointed to her as accusing witnesses. Yet she kept her
own counsel, and, keeping it, suffered to breaking-point. Many months
passed before she could look life again squarely in the face—and then
it was the new life that had lasted for so many years. And still, with
all her experience of human weakness and human fortitude, she lay awake
asking herself the insoluble question.
* * * * *
So little occasion had been given for scandal, that her name was
associated in no man or woman’s mind with the extraordinary event. Clue
to John Baltazar’s disappearance, save the notorious shrewishness of his
wife, there was none. Common Rooms, heavy with the secular atmosphere of
casuistic argument, speculated in vain. A man of genius, destined to
bring the University once more into world-wide fame—watched, therefore,
by the University with sedulous care and affection; a man with the
prizes of the earth (from the academic point of view) dangling within
his grasp, does not, they contended, forsake all and go out into the
darkness because his wife happens to be a scold. Another woman? To
Common Rooms the idea was preposterous. Besides, if there had been one,
the married members would have picked up in their homes the gossip of
one of the most nervous gossip centres in the United Kingdom. Mad,
perhaps? But Mrs. Baltazar proclaimed loudly the sagacious method by
which he realized his private fortune, before setting out for the
Unknown. And Common Rooms, like Marcelle, asked the same perplexing
question: Why?
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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