The House of Quiet: An AutobiographyBenson, Arthur Christopher
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The House of Quiet: An Autobiography
Benson, Arthur Christopher
Country life -- England -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Invalids -- Fiction
Well, it is not for him that I write; there are books and books, and
even chapters and chapters, just as there are people and people. I
myself avoid books dealing with health and disease. I used when younger
to be unable to resist the temptation of a medical book; but now I am
wiser, and if I sometimes yield to the temptation, it is with a backward
glancing eye and a cautious step. And I will say that I generally put
back the book with a snap, in a moment, as though a snake had stung me.
But there will be no pathology here—nothing but a patient effort to look
a failing in the face, and to suggest a remedy.
[Sidenote: FEARS]
I speak to the initiated, to those who have gone down into the dark
cave, and seen the fire burn low in the shrine, and watched aghast
the formless, mouldering things—hideous implements are they, or mere
weapons?—that hang upon the walls.
Do you know what it is to dwell, perhaps for days together, under the
shadow of a fear? Perhaps a definite fear—a fear of poverty, or a fear
of obloquy, or a fear of harshness, or a fear of pain, or a fear of
disease—or, worse than all, a boding, misshapen, sullen dread which has
no definite cause, and is therefore the harder to resist.
[Sidenote: DREAMS]
These moods, I say it with gratitude for myself and for the encouragement
of others, tend to diminish in acuteness and in frequency as I grow
older. They are now, as ever, preluded by dreams of a singular kind,
dreams of rapid and confused action, dreams of a romantic and exaggerated
pictorial character—huge mountain ranges, lofty and venerable buildings,
landscapes of incredible beauty, gardens of unimaginable luxuriance,
which pass with incredible rapidity before the mind. I will indicate
two of these in detail. I was in a vessel like a yacht, armed with a
massive steel prow like a ram, which moved in some aerial fashion over
a landscape, skimming it seemed to me but a few feet above the ground.
A tall man of benignant aspect stood upon the bridge, and directed the
operations of the unseen navigator. We ascended a heathery valley, and
presently encountered snow-drifts, upon which the vessel seemed to settle
down to her full speed; at last we entered a prodigious snowfield, with
vast ridged snow-waves extending in every direction for miles; the vessel
ran not over but through these waves, sending up huge spouts of snow
which fell in cool showers upon my head and hands, while the tinkle of
dry ice fragments made a perpetual low music. At last we stopped and I
descended on to the plateau. Far ahead, through rolling clouds, I saw the
black snow-crowned heights of a mountain, loftier than any seen by human
eye, and for leagues round me lay the interminable waste of snow. I was
aroused from my absorption by a voice behind me; the vessel started again
on her course with a leap like a porpoise, and though I screamed aloud
to stop her, I saw her, in a few seconds, many yards ahead, describing
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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