American drama -- 20th century; American essays -- 20th century
A few minutes, thinking thus, I paced up and down. Then, glancing
casually for'ard, along the port side, I leaped like a startled deer and
in a blind madness of terror rushed aft along the poop, heading for the
cabin. Gone was all my arrogance of youth and my intellectual calm. I
had seen a ghost. There, in the dim light, where we had flung the dead
man overboard, I had seen a faint and wavering form. Six-feet in length
it was, slender, and of substance so attenuated that I had distinctly
seen through it the tracery of the fore-rigging.
As for me, I was as panic-stricken as a frightened horse. I, as I, had
ceased to exist. Through me were vibrating the fibre-instincts of ten
thousand generations of superstitious forebears who had been afraid of
the dark and the things of the dark. I was not I. I was, in truth,
those ten thousand forebears. I was the race, the whole human race, in
its superstitious infancy. Not until part way down the
cabin-companionway did my identity return to me. I checked my flight and
clung to the steep ladder, suffocating, trembling, and dizzy. Never,
before nor since, have I had such a shock. I clung to the ladder and
considered. I could not doubt my senses. That I had seen something
there was no discussion. But what was it? Either a ghost or a joke.
There could be nothing else. If a ghost, the question was: would it
appear again? If it did not, and I aroused the ship's officers, I would
make myself the laughing stock of all on board. And by the same token,
if it were a joke, my position would be still more ridiculous. If I were
to retain my hard-won place of equality, it would never do to arouse any
one until I ascertained the nature of the thing.
I am a brave man. I dare to say so; for in fear and trembling I crept up
the companion-way and went back to the spot from which I had first seen
the thing. It had vanished. My bravery was qualified, however. Though
I could see nothing, I was afraid to go for'ard to the spot where I had
seen the thing. I resumed my pacing up and down, and though I cast many
an anxious glance toward the dread spot, nothing manifested itself. As
my equanimity returned to me, I concluded that the whole affair had been
a trick of the imagination and that I had got what I deserved for
allowing my mind to dwell on such matters.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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