OILY. Perhaps you mean to say you'd like a wig.-- We've wigs so natural they can't be told From real hair. JONES. Deception I detest. [Another pause ensues, during which OILY blows down JONES'S neck, and relieves him from the linen wrapper in which he has been enveloped during the process of hair-cutting. OILY. We've brushes, soaps, and scent, of every kind. JONES. I see you have. (Pays 6d.) I think you'll find that right. OILY. If there is nothing I can show you, sir, JONES. No: nothing. Yet--there may be something, too, That you may show me. OILY. Name it, sir. JONES. The door. [EXIT JONES. OILY (to his man). That's a rum customer at any rate. Had I cut him as short as he cut me, How little hair upon his head would be! But if kind friends will all our pains requite, We'll hope for better luck another night. [Shop-bell rings and curtain falls. THE SATED ONE. [IMPROMPTU AFTER CHRISTMAS DINNER.] PUNCH. It may not be--go maidens, go, Nor tempt me to the mistletoe; I once could dance beneath its bough, But must not, will not, can not, now! A weight--a load within I bear; It is not madness nor despair; But I require to be at rest, So that my burden may-digest! SAPPHICS OF THE CABSTAND [Footnote: See The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder] PUNCH. FRIEND OF SELF-GOVERNMENT. Seedy Cab-driver, whither art thou going? Sad is thy fate--reduced to law and order, Local self-government yielding to the gripe of Centralization. Victim of FITZROY! little think the M.P.s, Lording it o'er cab, 'bus, lodging-house, and grave-yard, Of the good times when every Anglo Saxon's House was his castle. Say, hapless sufferer, was it Mr. CHADWICK-- Underground foe to the British Constitution-- Or my LORD SHAFTESBURY, put up MR. FITZROY Thus to assail you? Was it the growth of Continental notions, Or was it the Metropolitan police-force Prompted this blow at Laissez-faire, that free and Easiest of doctrines? Have you not read Mr. TOULMIN SMITH'S great work on Centralization? If you haven't, buy it; Meanwhile I should be glad at once to hear your View on the subject. CAB-DRIVER. View on the subject? jiggered if I've got one; Only I wants no centrylisin', I don't-- Which I suppose it's a crusher standin' sentry Hover a cabstand.