* * * Again upon the road The road to where? To nowhere in particular! Ah, no--I thank thee, Muse-- That hint--'tis a finger-post, And "he that runs may read"-- He that runs? But I am not running-- I am riding-- How came I here?--what am I riding on? Who are my fellow-passengers? Ah, ha! I recognize them now! The Coach-- The Box-- The Driver-- And the Cad-- I'm on the Dilly, and the Dilly Is on the road again And now I see That finger-post! It saith "To Oxford Fifty-two miles." And, hark! a chorus! From all the joyous load, Driver and cad, and all! "We go," they sing-- To OXFORD TO BE DOCTORED." To be Doctored? Then, wherefore Are ye so cheerful? I was not cheerful in my early days-- Days of my buoyant boyhood-- When, after inglutition Of too much Christmas pudding, Or Twelfth cake saccharine, I went, as we go now, To be Doctored! Salts! Senna and Rhubarb!! Jalap and Ipecacuanha!!! And Antimonial Wine!!!! "WORM! IDIOT!! DONKEY!!!" Said the free-spoken Muse "With them thou goest to be doctored, too, Not in medicine--but in Law-- All these--and thou-- Are going to be made HONORARY LL.D.s! Behold! And know thy company Be thou familiar with them, But by no means vulgar-- For familiarity breeds contempt; And no man is a hero To his VALET-DE-CHAMBRE! So ponder and perpend." DERBY! The wise, the meek, the chivalrous-- Mirror of knightly graces And daily dodges; Who always says the right things At the right time, And never forgets himself as others-- Nor changes his side Nor his opinion-- A STANLEY to the core, as ready To fight As erst on FLODDEN FIELD His mail-clad ancestor.-- See the poem Of MARMION, By SIR WALTER SOOTT! DIZZY! Dark--supple--subtle-- With mind lithe as the limbs Of ISHMAEL'S sons, his swart progenitors-- With tongue sharp as the spear That o'er Sahara Flings the blue shadow Of the crown of ostrich feathers-- As described so graphically By LAYARD, in his recent book On Nineveh! With tongue as sharp As aspic's tooth of NILUS, Or sugary Upon the occasion As is the date Of TAFILAT. DIZZY, the bounding Arab Of the political arena-- As swift to whirl Right about face-- As strong to leap From premise to conclusion-- As great in balancing A budget-- Or flinging headlong His somersets Over sharp swords of adverse facts, As were his brethren of EL-ARISH, Who Some years ago exhibited-- With rapturous applause-- At Astley's Amphitheater-- And subsequently At Vauxhall Gardens! * * * * * Clustering, front and back On box and knife-board, See, petty man; Behold! and thank thy stars That led thee--Worm-- THEE, that art merely a writer And a barrister, Although a man of elegant acquirements, A gentleman and a scholar-- Nay, F.R.S. to boot-- Into such high society,