The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
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The Humorous Poetry of the English Language; from Chaucer to Saxe
American poetry; American wit and humor; English poetry; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, American; Humorous poetry, English
'Twas so!--it had certainly moved from its place,
And come, lumbering on thus, to hold him in chase;
'Twas the very same Head, and the very same Case,
And nothing was altered at all--but the Face!
In that he perceived, with no little surprise,
The two little winder-holes turn'd into eyes
Blazing with ire,
Like two coals of fire;
And the "Name of the Maker" was changed to a Lip,
And the Hands to a Nose with a very red tip,
No!--he could not mistake it,--'twas SHE to the life!
The identical face of his poor defunct Wife!
One glance was enough
Completely "Quant. suff."
As the doctors write down when they send you their "stuff,"--
Like a Weather-cock whirled by a vehement puff,
David turned himself round;
Ten feet of ground
He clear'd, in his start, at the very first bound!
I've seen people run at West End Fair for cheeses--
I've seen Ladies run at Bow Fair for chemises--
At Greenwich Fair twenty men run for a hat,
And one from a Bailiff much faster than that--
At foot-ball I've seen lads run after the bladder--
I've seen Irish Bricklayers run up a ladder--
I've seen little boys run away from a cane--
And I've seen (that is, READ OF) good running in Spain;
But I never did read
Of, or witness such speed
As David exerted that evening.--Indeed
All I have ever heard of boys, women, or men,
Falls far short of Pryce, as he ran over "PEN!"
He reaches its brow,--
He has past it,--and now
Having once gained the summit, and managed to cross it, he
Rolls down the side with uncommon velocity;
But, run as he will,
Or roll down the hill,
That bugbear behind him is after him still!
And close at his heels, not at all to his liking,
The terrible clock keeps on ticking and striking,
Till, exhausted and sore,
He can't run any more,
But falls as he reaches Miss Davis's door,
And screams when they rush out, alarm'd at his knock,
"Oh! Look at the Clock!--Do!--Look at the Clock!!"
Miss Davis look'd up, Miss Davis look'd down,
She saw nothing there to alarm her;--a frown
Came o'er her white forehead,
She said, "It was horrid
A man should come knocking at that time of night,
And give her Mamma and herself such a fright;--
To squall and to bawl
About nothing at all!"
She begg'd "he'd not think of repeating his call;
His late wife's disaster
By no means had past her,"
She'd "have him to know she was meat for his Master!"
Then regardless alike of his love and his woes,
She turn'd on her heel and she turn'd up her nose,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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