The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
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The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
Now it chanced that Mr. Bulkley had a small farm, some distance from the
town of Colchester, and found it necessary, the same day he wrote his
opinion and advice to the brethren of the disaffected church, to drop a
line to his farmer regarding the fixtures of said estate. Having written
a long, and of course, elaborate "essay" to his brethren, he wound up
the day's literary exertions with a despatch to the farmer, and after a
reverie to himself, he directs the two documents, and next morning
despatches them to their several destinations.
On Saturday evening a full and anxious synod of the belligerent
churchmen took place in their tabernacle, and punctually, as promised,
came the despatch from the Plato of the time and place,--Rev. John
Bulkley. All was quiet and respectful attention. The moderator took up
the document, broke the seal, opened and--a pause ensued, while dubious
amazement seemed to spread over the features of the worthy president of
the meeting.
"Well, brother Temple, how is it--what does Mr. Bulkley say?" and
another pause followed.
"Will the moderator please proceed?" said another voice.
The moderator placed the paper upon the table, took off his spectacles,
wiped the glasses, then his lips--replaced his specs upon his nose, and
with a very broad _grin_, said:
"Brethren, this appears to me to be a very singular letter, to say the
least of it!"
"Well, read it--read it," responded the wondering hearers.
"I will," and the moderator began:
"You will see to the repair of the fences, that they be built high and
strong, and you will take special care _of the old Black Bull_."
There was a general pause; a silent mystery overspread the community;
the moderator dropped the paper to a "rest," and gazing over the top of
his glasses for several minutes, nobody saying a word.
"Repair the fences!" muttered the moderator at length.
"Build them strong and high!" echoed Deacon Potter.
"Take special care _of the old Black Bull!_" growled half the meeting.
Then another pause ensued, and each man eyed his neighbor in mute
mystery.
A tall and venerable man now arose from his seat; clearing his voice
with a hem, he spoke:
"Brethren, you seem lost in the brief and eloquent words of our learned
adviser. To me nothing could be more appropriate to our case. It is just
such a profound and applicable reply to us as we should have hoped and
looked for, from the learned and good man, John Bulkley. The direction
to repair the fences, is to take heed in the admission and government of
our members; we must guard the church by our Master's laws, and keep out
stray and vicious cattle from the fold! And, above all things, set a
trustworthy and vigilant watch over that old black bull, who is the
devil, and who has already broken into our enclosures and sought to
desolate and lay waste the fair grounds of our church!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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