The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
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The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
"Well, he ain't goin' to dodge _me_, in no sich a way," says the
butcher. "I'll find him, if it costs me a bullock, you may tell him
so!--for _me!_" growls the butcher.
"Tell him yourself, sir; I've nothing to do with the fellow, don't know
him from Adam, as I've already told _you_," says Flannigan, closing the
door--the "greasy citizen" walking down the steps muttering thoughts
that breathe and words that burn!
Flannigan had just elevated himself upon the top of the centre table, to
hang up Mrs. F.'s portrait upon the parlor wall, when another ring was
heard of the bell. He called to his little daughter to open the door and
see what was wanted.
"Is your fadder in, ah?"
"Yes, sir, I'll call him," says the child, but before she could reach
the parlor, a burly Dutch baker marches in.
"Goot mornin', I bro't de _pills_ in."
"Pills?" says Flannigan.
"Yaw, for de prets," continues the baker; "nine tollars foof'ey cents. I
vos heert you was movin', so I tink maybees you was run away."
"Mistake, sir, I don't owe you a cent; never bought bread of you!"
"_Vaw's!_ Tonner a' blitzen!--don't owes me!"
"Not a cent!" says Flannigan, standing--hammer in hand, upon the top of
the table.
"_Vaw's!_ you goin' thrun away and sheet me, _ah_?"
"Look here, my friend, you are under a mistake. I've just moved in
here, my name's Flannigan, you never saw me before, and of course I
never dealt with you!--don't you see?"
"Tonner a' blitzen!" cries the enraged baker, "I see vat you vant, to
sheet me out mine preet, you raskills--I go fetch the con-stabl's, de
shudge, de sher'ffs, and I have mine mon-ney in mine hands!" and off
rushes the enraged man of dough, upsetting the various small articles
piled up on the bureau in the hall--by _wanging_ to the door.
Poor Flannigan felt quite "put out;" he came very near dashing his
hammer at the Dutchman's head, but hoping there was an end to the
annoyances he kept at work, until another ring of the bell announced
another call. The Irish girl went to the door; Flannigan listens--
"Mr. Flash in?"
"Yees!" says Biddy, supposing Flash and Flannigan was the same in Dutch.
"Would yees come in, sir," and in comes the young man.
"Good morning, sir," quoth he; "I've called as you requested sir, with
the bill of that china set, &c."
"Mistake, sir--I've bought no china set, lately," says Flannigan.
"Isn't your name Flash, sir!"
"No, sir, my name's _Flannigan_. I've just moved here."
"Indeed," says the clerk. "Well, sir, where has Flash gone to, do you
know."
"Gone to be hanged! I trust, for I've been bothered all this morning by
persons that scoundrel appears to owe. He moved out of here, day before
yesterday; I took his unexpired term of the lease of this dwelling,
having noticed it advertised, gave the fellow a bonus for his lease, and
he cleared for California, I believe."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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