The day arrived that Doctor Phlebotonizem was to open, and he found customers began to _call_, and sure enough, in comes a large keg, direct through from the States, to his address; the freight bill on it was pretty considerable, but Joe out and paid it, rejoicing to think that now he was all right, and that if the proprietors of gold dust and the lumbago, or any of the various ills set forth in his catalogue of human woes, had spare change, he would soon find them out. He closed his door, opened his cask-- "What in the name of everlasting sin and misery is this?" was the first _burst_, upon feeling the fine saw dust, and seeing, nicely packed, the green and purple, round and glossy--he couldn't tell what. "Pills? No, good gracious, they can't be _pills_--smell queer--some mistake--can't be any mistake--my name on the cask--(tastes one of the 'article')--O! by thunder! (tastes again)--I'm blasted, they (tastes again) are, by Jove, _persimmons!_ Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ho! ho! he! he! ha! ha! ha!" And the ex-counsellor of modern law roared until he grew livid in the face. "I see--ha! ha! I see; they have misunderstood every line I wrote them, except the last, and that--ha! ha! ha!--for my direction to send out my stuff _per Simmons_, they send me PERSIMMONS! Ha! ha! ha! ho! ho!" But, after enjoying the _fun_ of the matter, ex-counsellor Bunker discovered the thing was nothing to laugh at; _patients_ were at the door--if he did not soon prescribe for their cases, his now numerous creditors would prescribe for him! What was to be done? Very dull and prosy people often become enterprising and imaginative, to a wonderful degree, when put to their trumps. This philosophical fact applied to ex-counsellor Bunker's case exactly. He was there to better his fortune, and he felt bound to do it, persimmons or no persimmons. It occurred to him, as those infernal persimmons had cost him something, they ought to _bring in_ something. By the aid of starch and sugar, Doctor Phlebotonizem converted some hundreds of the smallest persimmons into _pills_--sugar-coated pills--warranted to cure about all the ills flesh was heir to, at $2 each dose. One generally constituted a dose for a full-grown person, and as the patient left with a countenance much "puckered up," and rarely returned, the _pseudo_ M. D. concluded there was virtue in persimmon pills, and so, after disposing of his stock to first-rate advantage, the doctor paid off his bills; tired of the pill trade, he _vamosed the ranche_ with about funds enough to reach home, and explain to his friends the difference between _per_ Simmons and _persimmons!_ Mysteries and Miseries of the Life of a City Editor.