The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day ScenesFalconbridge
General
The Humors of Falconbridge: A Collection of Humorous and Every Day Scenes
Falconbridge
American wit and humor
The Irish girl came bounding, screeching forth! She had been sauntering
through the garden, and ran against the bee-hives, when a bee up and at
her. With a presence of mind truly unparalleled, she laid down "baby"
upon the grass, and made fight with "the spiteful craturs;" and of
course she got her hands full, was beset by tens and hundreds, and was
stung in as many places by the pugnacious "divils." Nora was done for.
She went to bed; "baby" was found all right, laughing "fit to break its
yitty hearty party, at naughty Nora Dory," as Mrs. Triangle very
naturally expressed it.
These two tableaux had hardly reached their climax, when in rushed
Frederic Antonio Gustavus, with his capacious apron full of "birds he
killed in the yard, down by the barns." Poor Jingo! and we may add, poor
Mrs. Jingo! for a favorite brood of the finest fowls in the country had
been exterminated by the chivalrous young Triangle, and in the bloom of
his heroic act he dropped the dead game at the feet of his
horror-stricken mother, and astonished father, and the Jingos.
That night the effect of stuffing with green fruit to utter suffocation
manifested itself in a general and alarming cholera-morbus among the
junior Triangles, and the whole house was up in arms.
In the midst of this, a fresh clamor broke out in Nora's chamber. A huge
bat had got into her room, and so alarmed her, that she yelled worse,
louder, and longer than seven evil ones.
It was a night of horror to the whole family--to everybody in and about
Jingo Hall. The dogs set up a howl; the children bawled, cried, and took
on; the Irish girl screeched; gin and laudanum, peppermint and
"lollypops," the de'il to pay and no pitch hot.
Triangle felt relieved when daylight came, and had it not been Sunday,
he would have packed up and put back for the prosy office and stagnated
quietude of the city. But it was Sunday, and after the children, Irish
girl, and dogs had been partially quieted, down the carriage came to the
door, and as many as could get into it of the Jingos and Triangles,
rolled off to meeting.
Triangle and Jingo went to escape the din and noise of dressing "the
babies," &c.; and after the service was over, poor Triangle was taken
aside by a tall, bony man, who reported himself in no very ceremonious
manner as the proprietor of a flock of sheep scared to death, and one
rare lamb killed--"by your dog!" Triangle owned to the soft impeachment,
and "compromised" for a V.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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