The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
Second. Let the same salutary operation of police be made use of, to
prevent our burning candles, that inclined us last winter to be more
economical in burning wood; that is, let guards be placed in the shops
of the wax and tallow chandlers, and no family be permitted to be
supplied with more than one pound of candles per week.
Third. Let guards also be posted to stop all the coaches, etc., that
would pass the street after sunset, except those of physicians,
surgeons, and midwives.
Fourth. Every morning, as soon as the sun rises, let all the bells in
every church be set ringing; and if that is not sufficient, let cannon
be fired in every street, to wake the sluggards effectually, and make
them open their eyes to see their true interest.
All the difficulty will be in the first two or three days, after which
the reformation will be as natural and easy as the present irregularity,
for _ce n’est que le premier pas qui coûte_. Oblige a man to rise at
four in the morning, and it is more than probable he will go willingly
to bed at eight in the evening; and, having had eight hours sleep, he
will rise more willingly at four in the morning following. But this sum
of ninety-six millions and seventy-five thousand livres is not the whole
of what may be saved by my economical project. You may observe that I
have calculated upon only one-half of the year, and much may be saved in
the other, though the days are shorter. Besides, the immense stock of
wax and tallow left unconsumed during the summer will probably make
candles much cheaper for the ensuing winter, and continue them cheaper
as long as the proposed reformation shall be supported.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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