The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
But to inflict this _enfantillage_ upon the unmarried reader would be an
act of wanton cruelty. So I pass over that part of Andy’s biography,
and, for the same reason, make no record of the next four or five
interviews I had with Mr. Jaffrey. It will be sufficient to state that
Andy glided from extreme infancy to early youth with astonishing
celerity,—at the rate of one year per night, if I remember correctly;
and—must I confess it?—before the week came to an end, this invisible
hobgoblin of a boy was only little less of a reality to me than to Mr.
Jaffrey.
At first I had lent myself to the old dreamer’s whim with a keen
perception of the humour of the thing; but by-and-by I found I was
talking and thinking of Miss Mehetabel’s son as though he were a
veritable personage. Mr. Jaffrey spoke of the child with such an air of
conviction!—as if Andy were playing among his toys in the next room, or
making mud-pies down in the yard. In these conversations, it should be
observed, the child was never supposed to be present, except on that
single occasion when Mr. Jaffrey leaned over the cradle. After one of
our séances I would lie awake until the small hours, thinking of the
boy, and then fall asleep only to have indigestible dreams about him.
Through the day, and sometimes in the midst of complicated calculations,
I would catch myself wondering what Andy was up to now! There was no
shaking him off; he became an inseparable nightmare to me; and I felt
that if I remained much longer at Bayley’s Four Corners I should turn
into just such another bald-headed, mild-eyed visionary as Silas
Jaffrey.
Then the tavern was a gruesome old shell anyway, full of unaccountable
noises after dark,—rustlings of garments along unfrequented passages,
and stealthy footfalls in unoccupied chambers overhead. I never knew of
an old house without these mysterious noises.
Next to my bedroom was a musty, dismantled apartment, in one corner of
which, leaning against the wainscot, was a crippled mangle, with its
iron crank tilted in the air like the elbow of the late Mr. Clem
Jaffrey. Sometimes,
“In the dead vast and middle of the night,”
I used to hear sounds as if some one were turning that rusty crank on
the sly. This occurred only on particularly cold nights, and I conceived
the uncomfortable idea that it was the thin family ghosts, from the
neglected graveyard in the cornfield, keeping themselves warm by running
each other through the mangle. There was a haunted air about the whole
place that made it easy for me to believe in the existence of a phantasm
like Miss Mehetabel’s son, who, after all, was less unearthly than Mr.
Jaffrey himself, and seemed more properly an inhabitant of this globe
than the toothless ogre who kept the inn, not to mention the silent
witch of Endor that cooked our meals for us over the bar-room fire.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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