The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
In spite of the scowls and winks bestowed upon me by Mr. Sewell, who let
slip no opportunity to testify his disapprobation of the intimacy, Mr.
Jaffrey and I spent all our evenings together—those long autumnal
evenings, through the length of which he talked about the boy, laying
out his path in life, and hedging the path with roses. He should be sent
to the High School at Portsmouth, and then to college; he should be
educated like a gentleman, Andy.
“When the old man dies,” said Mr. Jaffrey, rubbing his hands gleefully,
as if it were a great joke, “Andy will find that the old man has left
him a pretty plum.”
“What do you think of having Andy enter West Point when he’s old
enough?” said Mr. Jaffrey, on another occasion. “He needn’t necessarily
go into the army when he graduates; he can become a civil engineer.”
This was a stroke of flattery so delicate and indirect, that I could
accept it without immodesty.
There had lately sprung up on the corner of Mr. Jaffrey’s bureau a small
tin house, Gothic in architecture, and pink in colour, with a slit in
the roof, and the word “Bank” painted on one façade. Several times in
the course of an evening Mr. Jaffrey would rise from his chair, without
interrupting the conversation, and gravely drop a nickel through the
scuttle of the bank. It was pleasant to observe the solemnity of his
countenance as he approached the edifice, and the air of triumph with
which he resumed his seat by the fireplace. One night I missed the tin
bank. It had disappeared, deposits and all. Evidently there had been a
defalcation on rather a large scale. I strongly suspected that Mr.
Sewell was at the bottom of it; but my suspicion was not shared by Mr.
Jaffrey, who, remarking my glance at the bureau, became suddenly
depressed. “I’m afraid,” he said, “that I have failed to instil into
Andrew those principles of integrity—which—which——” And the old
gentleman quite broke down.
Andy was now eight or nine years old, and for some time past, if the
truth must be told, had given Mr. Jaffrey no inconsiderable trouble.
What with his impishness and his illnesses, the boy led the pair of us a
lively dance. I shall not soon forget the anxiety of Mr. Jaffrey the
night Andy had the scarlet fever,—an anxiety which so affected me that I
actually returned to the tavern the following afternoon earlier than
usual, dreading to hear the little spectre was dead, and greatly
relieved on meeting Mr. Jaffrey on the door-step with his face wreathed
in smiles. When I spoke to him of Andy, I was made aware that I was
inquiring into a case of scarlet fever that had occurred the year
before!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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