The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
The man pulled the broad brim of a grey hat over his eyes, and answered
rather sullenly that he did not come from Parker’s Falls, which, as
being the limit of his own day’s journey, the pedler had naturally
mentioned in his inquiry.
“Well, then,” rejoined Dominicus Pike, “let’s have the latest news where
you did come from. I’m not particular about Parker’s Falls. Any place
will answer.”
[Illustration: “AT LAST MOUNTING ON THE STEP OF THE CART, HE WHISPERED
IN THE EAR OF DOMINICUS.”]
Being thus importuned, the traveller—who was as ill-looking a fellow as
one would desire to meet in a solitary piece of woods—appeared to
hesitate a little, as if he was either searching his memory for news, or
weighing the expediency of telling it. At last mounting on the step of
the cart, he whispered in the ear of Dominicus, though he might have
shouted aloud and no other mortal would have heard him—
“I do remember one little trifle of news,” said he. “Old Mr.
Higginbotham, of Kimballton, was murdered in his orchard, at eight
o’clock last night, by an Irishman and a nigger. They strung him up to a
branch of a St. Michael’s pear-tree, where nobody would find him till
the morning.”
As soon as this horrible intelligence was communicated, the stranger
betook himself to his journey again with more speed than ever, not even
turning his head when Dominicus invited him to smoke a Spanish cigar and
relate all the particulars. The pedler whistled to his mare and went up
the hill, pondering on the doleful fate of Mr. Higginbotham, whom he had
known in the way of trade, having sold him many a bunch of long-nines,
and a great deal of pig-tail, ladies’ twist, and fig tobacco. He was
rather astonished at the rapidity with which the news had spread.
Kimballton was nearly sixty miles distant in a straight line; the murder
had been perpetrated only at eight o’clock the preceding night; and yet
Dominicus had heard of it at seven in the morning, when in all
probability poor Mr. Higginbotham’s own family had just discovered his
corpse hanging on the St. Michael’s pear-tree. The stranger on foot must
have worn seven-league boots to travel at such a rate.
“Ill news flies fast, they say,” thought Dominicus Pike; “but this beats
railroads. The fellow ought to be hired to go express with the
President’s message.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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