The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
With these meditations Dominicus Pike drove into the street of Parker’s
Falls, which, as everybody knows, is as thriving a village as three
cotton factories and a slitting-mill can make it. The machinery was not
in motion, and but a few of the shop doors unbarred, when he alighted in
the stable-yard of the tavern, and made it his first business to order
the mare four quarts of oats. His second duty, of course, was to impart
Mr. Higginbotham’s catastrophe to the ostler. He deemed it advisable,
however, not to be too positive as to the date of the direful fact, and
also to be uncertain whether it was perpetrated by an Irishman and a
mulatto, or by the son of Erin alone. Neither did he profess to relate
it on his own authority, or that of any other person; but mentioned it
as a report generally diffused.
The story ran through the town like fire among girdled trees, and became
so much the universal talk that nobody could tell whence it originated.
Mr. Higginbotham was as well known at Parker’s Falls as any citizen of
the place, being part-owner of the slitting-mill, and a considerable
stockholder in the cotton factories. The inhabitants felt their own
prosperity interested in his fate. Such was the excitement that the
_Parker’s Falls Gazette_ anticipated its regular day of publication, and
came out with half a form of blank paper and a column of double pica
emphasised with capitals, and headed HORRID MURDER OF MR. HIGGINBOTHAM!
Among other dreadful details, the printed account described the mark of
the cord round the dead man’s neck, and stated the number of thousand
dollars of which he had been robbed. There was much pathos also about
the affliction of his niece, who had gone from one fainting fit to
another, ever since her uncle was found hanging on the St. Michael’s
pear-tree with his pockets inside out. The village poet likewise
commemorated the young lady’s grief in seventeen stanzas of a ballad.
The select-men held a meeting, and in consideration of Mr.
Higginbotham’s claims on the town, determined to issue handbills
offering a reward of five hundred dollars for the apprehension of his
murderers and the recovery of the stolen property.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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