The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
Meanwhile the whole population of Parker’s Falls, consisting of
shopkeepers, mistresses of boarding-houses, factory girls, mill-men and
school-boys, rushed into the street, and kept up such a terrible
loquacity as more than compensated for the silence of the cotton
machines, which refrained from their usual din out of respect to the
deceased. Had Mr. Higginbotham cared about posthumous renown, his
untimely ghost would have exulted in this tumult. Our friend Dominicus,
in his vanity of heart, forgot his intended precautions, and, mounting
on the town pump, announced himself as the bearer of the authentic
intelligence which had caused so wonderful a sensation. He immediately
became the great man of the moment, and had just began a new edition of
the narrative with a voice like a field-preacher when the mail stage
drove into the village street. It had travelled all night, and must have
shifted horses at Kimballton at three in the morning.
“Now we shall hear all the particulars,” shouted the crowd.
The coach rumbled up to the piazza of the tavern, followed by a thousand
people; for if any man had been minding his own business till then, he
now left it at sixes and sevens to hear the news. The pedler, foremost
in the race, discovered two passengers, both of whom had been startled
from a comfortable nap to find themselves in the centre of a mob. Every
man assailed them with separate questions all propounded at once. The
couple were struck speechless, though one was a lawyer and the other a
young lady.
“Mr. Higginbotham! Mr. Higginbotham! Tell us the particulars about old
Mr. Higginbotham!” bawled the mob. “What is the coroner’s verdict? Are
the murderers apprehended? Is Mr. Higginbotham’s niece come out of her
fainting fits? Mr. Higginbotham! Mr. Higginbotham!”
The coachman said not a word, except to swear awfully at the ostler for
not bringing him a fresh team of horses. The lawyer inside had generally
his wits about him even when asleep; the first thing he did, after
learning the cause of the excitement, was to produce a large red
pocket-book. Meanwhile, Dominicus Pike, being an extremely polite young
man, and also suspecting that a female tongue would tell the story as
glibly as a lawyer’s, had handed the lady out of the coach. She was a
fine, smart girl, now wide awake and bright as a button, and had such a
sweet, pretty mouth, that Dominicus would almost as lieves have heard a
love-tale from it as a tale of murder.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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