The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
If the riddle be not already guessed, a few words will explain the
simple machinery by which this coming event was made to cast its shadow
before. Three men had plotted the robbery and murder of Mr.
Higginbotham; two of them successively lost courage and fled, each
delaying the crime one night by their disappearance; the third was in
the act of perpetration when a champion, blindly obeying the call of
fate, like the heroes of old romance, appeared in the person of
Dominicus Pike.
It only remains to say that Mr. Higginbotham took the pedler into high
favour, sanctioned his addresses to the pretty school-mistress, and
settled his whole property on their children, allowing themselves the
interest. In due time the old gentleman capped the climax of his favours
by dying a Christian death, in bed, since which melancholy event
Dominicus Pike has removed from Kimballton and established a large
tobacco factory in my native village.
_Nathaniel Hawthorne._
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_GOING TO CALIFORNIA._
“DEAR me!” exclaimed Mrs. Partington sorrowfully, “how much a man will
bear, and how far he will go, to get the soddered dross, as Parson
Martin called it when he refused the beggar a sixpence, for fear it
might lead him into extravagance! Everybody is going to California and
Chagrin arter gold. Cousin Jones and the three Smiths have gone; and Mr.
Chip, the carpenter, has left his wife and seven children, and a blessed
old mother-in-law, to seek his fortin, too. This is the strangest yet,
and I don’t see how he could have done it; it looks so ongrateful to
treat Heaven’s blessings so lightly. But there we are told that the love
of money is the root of all evil, and how true it is! for they are now
rooting arter it, like pigs arter ground-nuts. Why, it is a perfect
money mania among everybody!”
[Illustration: “AS SHE PENSIVELY WATCHED A SMALL MUG OF CIDER.”]
And she shook her head doubtingly, as she pensively watched a small mug
of cider, with an apple in it, simmering by the winter fire. She was
somewhat fond of drink made in this way.
_Benjamin Penhallon Shillaber_
(“_Mrs. Partington_”).
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“_ROUGHING IT._”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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