The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
line you need a rifled cannon, and by the time you have “drawn a bead”
on him you see well enough that nothing but an unusually long-winded
streak of lightning could reach him where he is now. But if you start a
swift-footed dog after him, you will enjoy it ever so much—especially if
it is a dog that has a good opinion of himself, and has been brought up
to think he knows something about speed. The cayote will go swinging
gently off on that deceitful trot of his, and every little while he will
smile a fraudful smile over his shoulder that will fill that dog
entirely full of encouragement and worldly ambition, and make him lay
his head still lower to the ground, and stretch his neck further to the
front, and pant more fiercely, and stick his tail out straighter behind,
and move his furious legs with a yet wilder frenzy, and leave a broader
and broader, and higher and denser cloud of desert sand smoking behind,
and marking his long wake across the level plain! And all this time the
dog is only a short twenty feet behind the cayote, and to save the soul
of him he cannot understand why it is that he cannot get perceptibly
closer; and he begins to get aggravated, and it makes him madder and
madder to see how gently the cayote glides along and never pants or
sweats or ceases to smile; and he grows still more and more incensed to
see how shamefully he has been taken in by an entire stranger, and what
an ignoble swindle that long, calm, soft-footed trot is; and next he
notices that he is getting fagged, and that the cayote actually has to
slacken speed a little to keep from running away from him—and _then_
that town-dog is mad in earnest, and he begins to strain and weep and
swear, and paw the sand higher than ever, and reach for the cayote with
concentrated and desperate energy. This “spurt” finds him six feet
behind the gliding enemy, and two miles from his friends. And then, in
the instant that a wild new hope is lighting up his face, the cayote
turns and smiles blandly upon him once more, and with a something about
it which seems to say: “Well, I shall have to tear myself away from you,
bub—business is business, and it will not do for me to be fooling along
this way all day”—and forthwith there is a rushing sound, and the sudden
splitting of a long crack through the atmosphere, and behold that dog is
solitary and alone in the midst of a vast solitude!
It makes his head swim. He stops and looks all around; climbs the
nearest sand-mound, and gazes into the distance; shakes his head
reflectively, and then, without a word, he turns and jogs along back to
his train, and takes up a humble position under the hindmost waggon, and
feels unspeakably mean, and looks ashamed, and hangs his tail at
half-mast for a week. And forasmuch as a year after that, whenever there
is a great hue and cry after a cayote, that dog will merely glance in
that direction without emotion, and apparently observe to himself, “I
believe I do not wish any of the pie.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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