The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
The river, the mountain, the quickening east swam before his eyes.
He shut them to recover his self-control.
In that brief interval, by some fantastic mental process, the little
room at Simpson’s Bar, and the figures of the sleeping father and son,
rose upon him.
He opened his eyes widely, cast off his coat, pistol, boots, and saddle,
bound his precious pack tightly to his shoulders, grasped the bare
flanks of Jovita with his bared knees, and, with a shout, dashed into
the yellow water.
A cry rose from the opposite bank as the head of a man and horse
struggled for a few moments against the battling current, and then were
swept away, amid uprooted trees and whirling driftwood.
* * * * *
The Old Man started and awoke.
The fire on the hearth was dead, the candle in the outer room flickering
in its socket, and somebody was rapping at the door.
He opened it, but fell back with a cry before the dripping half-naked
figure that reeled against the door-post.
“Dick?”
“Hush! Is he awake yet?”
“No,—but Dick——?”
“Dry up, you old fool! Get me some whisky _quick_!”
The Old Man flew and returned with—an empty bottle!
Dick would have sworn, but his strength was not equal to the occasion.
He staggered, caught at the handle of the door, and motioned to the Old
Man.
“Thar’s suthin’ in my pack yer for Johnny. Take it off. I can’t.”
The Old Man unstrapped the pack and laid it before the exhausted man.
“Open it, quick!”
He did so with trembling fingers.
It contained only a few poor toys—cheap and barbaric enough, goodness
knows, but bright with paint and tinsel.
One of them was broken; another, I fear, was irretrievably ruined by
water; and on the other, ah me! there was a cruel spot.
“It don’t look like much, that’s a fact,” said Dick ruefully.... “But
it’s the best we could do.... Take ’em, Old Man, and put ’em in his
stocking, and tell him—tell him, you know—hold me, Old Man.”
The Old Man caught at his sinking figure.
“Tell him,” said Dick, with a weak little laugh—“tell him Sandy Claus
has come.”
And even so, bedraggled, ragged, unshaven and unshorn, with one arm
hanging helplessly at his side, Santa Claus came to Simpson’s Bar and
fell fainting on the first threshold.
The Christmas dawn came slowly after, touching the remoter peaks with
the rosy warmth of ineffable love.
And it looked so tenderly on Simpson’s Bar that the whole mountain, as
it caught in a generous action, blushed to the skies.
_Bret Harte._
------------------------------------------------------------------------
_THE BREACH OF PROMISE CASE._
AMOS DIXON had not been long gone from the elegant house when Miss
Sophia Garr, caparisoned in a jaunty hat and a ready-made cloak, sallied
forth on a little business of her own.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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