Sez I, “Ile bet two dollers and a half you won’t!” Whare ear I may Rome Ile still be troo 2 thee, Oh Betsy Jane! [N.B. Betsy Jane is my wife’s Sir naime.] “Wiltist thou not tarry hear in the Promist Land?” sed several of the miserabil critters. “Ile see you all essenshally cussed be 4 I wiltist!” roared I, as mad as I cood be at thare infernul noncents. I girded up my Lions & fled the Seen. I packt up my duds & left Salt Lake, which is a 2nd Soddum and Germorrer, inhabitid by as theavin & onprincipled a set of retchis as ever drew Breth in any spot on the Globe. _Artemus Ward._ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ _DUET FOR THE BREAKFAST-TABLE._ ROMANTIC HUSBAND. THOU art my love! I have none other, But only thee—but only thee. SENSIBLE WIFE. Now, Charles, do stop this silly bother, And drink your tea—your cooling tea. ROMANTIC HUSBAND. Your eyes are diamonds, gems refined, Your teeth are pearl, your hair is gold. SENSIBLE WIFE. Oh, nonsense now! I know you’ll find Your cutlets cold—exceeding cold. ROMANTIC HUSBAND. Where’er thou art, my passions burn; I envy not the monarch’s crown. SENSIBLE WIFE. Put some hot water in the urn, And toast this bread, and toast it brown. ROMANTIC HUSBAND. Had I Golconda’s wealth, I say ’Twere thine at will—’twere thine at will. SENSIBLE WIFE. Then let me have a cheque to pay The dry-goods bill—that tedious bill! ROMANTIC HUSBAND. Oh, heed it not, my trembling flower; If want should press us, let it come. SENSIBLE WIFE. And, apropos, the bill for flour; Is quite a sum—an unpaid sum. ROMANTIC HUSBAND. So rich in love, so rich in joy, No change our cup of bliss can spill. SENSIBLE WIFE. Now do be quiet! You destroy My cambric frill—my well-starched frill. ROMANTIC HUSBAND. Ha! senseless, soulless, loveless girl, To sympathy and passion dead! SENSIBLE WIFE. A moment since I was your “pearl,” Your “only love”—at least you said. ROMANTIC HUSBAND.