The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists — John Shaqi
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“I came out here to show up that man as a fraud. But what do I find?—A
poor, unpaid, half-starved man that loves his thankless work better than
his life, teaching what not one school-master in a thousand can teach:
teaching his whole school four better things than were ever printed in
any school-book—how to study, how to think, how to value knowledge, and
to love one another and mankind. What you’d ought to have done was to
agree that such a school should keep open, and such a teacher should
stay, if jest one, one lone child should answer one single book-question
right! But, as I said before, a bargain’s a bargain——Hold on, there! Sit
down! You shan’t interrupt me again!” Men were standing up on every
side; there was a confusion and a loud buzz of voices. “The second
mistake,” the stranger made haste to cry, “was thinking the teacher gave
out that last word right. He gave it wrong! And the third mistake,” he
shouted against the rising commotion, “was thinking it was spelt wrong.
_She spelt it right!_ And a bargain’s a bargain!—the school-master
stays!”
[Illustration: “SEIZING HER HANDS IN HIS AS SHE TURNED TO FLY.”]
He could say no more; the rumble of voices suddenly burst into a cheer.
The women and children laughed and clapped their hands,—Toutou his feet
also,—and Bonaventure, flirting the leaves of a spelling-book till he
found the place, looked, cried “In-com-pre-hen-_sibility_!” wheeled and
dashed upon Sidonie, seizing her hands in his as she turned to fly, and
gazed speechlessly upon her, with the tears running down his face.
Feeling a large hand upon his shoulder, he glanced around and saw ’Mian
pointing him to his platform and desk. Thither he went. The stranger had
partly restored order. Every one was in his place. But what a change!
What a gay flutter throughout the old shed! Bonaventure seemed to have
bathed in the fountain of youth. Sidonie, once more the school’s
queen-flower, sat calm, with just a trace of tears adding a subtle
something to her beauty.
“Chil’run, beloved chil’run,” said Bonaventure, standing once more by
his desk, “yo’ school-teacher has the blame of the sole mistake; and,
sir, gladly, oh, gladly, sir, would he always have the blame rather than
any of his beloved school-chil’run!”
_George Washington Cable._
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“_WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?_”
[Illustration]
A MADRIGAL.
I KNOW a girl with teeth of pearl,
And shoulders white as snow;
She lives,—ah! well,
I must not tell,—
Wouldn’t you like to know?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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