The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
No fortune, be it ever so great, can stand the eternal sapping of
wasteful extravagance, engendered and stimulated by the baleful passion
of envy. In less than ten years from the hatching of the diabolical
conspiracy of these three wicked women against the supremacy of the
excellent St. Nicholas, their spendthrift rivalship had ruined the
fortunes of their husbands, and entailed upon themselves misery and
remorse. Rich Amos Shuttle became at last as poor as a church mouse, and
would have been obliged to take to the loom again in his old age, had
not Johnny, now rich, and a worshipful magistrate of the city, afforded
him and his better half a generous shelter under his own happy roof.
Mrs. Hubblebubble and Mrs. Doubletrouble had scarcely time to condole
with Mrs. Shuttle, and congratulate each other, when their husbands went
the way of all flesh—that is to say, failed for a few tens of thousands,
and called their creditors together to hear the good news. The two
wicked women lived long enough after this to repent of their offence
against St. Nicholas; but they never imported any more French curtains,
and at last perished miserably in an attempt to set the fashions in
Pennypot Alley.
Mrs. Abigail Shuttle might have lived happily the rest of her life with
her children and grand-children, who all treated her with reverent
courtesy and affection, now that the wrath of mighty St. Nicholas was
appeased by her exemplary punishment; but she could not get over her bad
habits and feelings, or forgive her lovely daughter-in-law for treating
her so kindly when she so little deserved it. She gradually pined away;
and though she revived at hearing of the catastrophe of Mrs.
Hubblebubble and Mrs. Doubletrouble, it was only for a moment. The
remainder of the life of this wicked woman was a series of
disappointments and heartburnings, and when she died, Amos tried to shed
a few tears, but he found it impossible, I suppose, because, as his wife
always said, “he had no soul.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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