The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“Bless your soul!” interrupted Mrs. Shuttle; “I wonder who’d take the
trouble to bless it but yourself? However, if you don’t I will.”
Accordingly she threatened the young man with being disinherited unless
he turned his back on little Susan Varian, which no man ever did without
getting a heartache.
“If my father goes on as he has done lately,” sighed the youth, “he
won’t have anything left to disinherit me of but his affection, I fear.
But if he had millions I would not abandon Susan.”
“Are you not ashamed of such a low-lived attachment? You that have been
to Europe! But, once for all, remember this, renounce this low-born
upstart, or quit your father’s house for ever.”
“Upstart!” thought young Shuttle; “one of the oldest families in the
city.” He made his mother a respectful bow, bade Heaven bless her, and
left the house. He was, however, met by his father at the door, who said
to him—
“Johnny, I give my consent; but mind don’t tell your mother a word of
the matter. I’ll let her know I’ve a soul as well as other people,” and
he tossed his head like a war-horse.
The night after this Johnny was married to little Susan, and the
blessing of affection and beauty lighted upon his pillow. Her old
father, who was in a respectable business, took his son-in-law into
partnership, and they prospered so well that in a few years Johnny was
independent of all the world, with the prettiest wife and children in
the land. But Mrs. Shuttle was inexorable, while the knowledge of his
prosperity and happiness only worked her up to a higher pitch of anger,
and added to the pangs of jealousy perpetually inflicted on her by the
rivalry of Mrs. Hubblebubble and Mrs. Doubletrouble, who suffered under
the like affliction from the wrathful St. Nicholas, who was resolved to
make them an example to all posterity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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