The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“Wal, next week, Huldy, she jist borrowed the minister’s horse and
side-saddle, and rode over to South Parish to her Aunt Bascome’s,—Widder
Bascome’s, you know, that lives there by the trout-brook,—and got a lot
o’ turkey eggs o’ her, and come back and set a hen on ’em, and said
nothin’; and in good time there was as nice a lot o’ turkey-chicks as
ever ye see.
“Huldy never said a word to the minister about his experiment, and he
never said a word to her; but he sort o’ kep’ more to his books, and
didn’t take it on him to advise so much.
“But not long arter he took it into his head that Huldy ought to have a
pig to be a fattin’ with the buttermilk.
“Mis’ Pipperidge set him up to it; and jist then old Tom Bigelow, out to
Juniper Hill, told him if he’d call over he’d give him a little pig.
“So he sent for a man, and told him to build a pig-pen right out by the
well, and have it all ready when he came home with his pig.
“Huldy said she wished he might put a curb round the well out there,
because, in the dark sometimes, a body might stumble into it; and the
parson said he might do that.
“Wal, old Aikin, the carpenter, he didn’t come till ’most the middle of
the arternoon; and then he sort o’ idled, so that he didn’t get up the
well-curb till sundown; and then he went off, and said he’d come and do
the pig-pen next day.
“Wal, arter dark, Parson Carryl, he driv into the yard, full chizel,
with his pig.
“‘There, Huldy, I’ve got you a nice little pig.’
“‘Dear me!’ says Huldy; ‘where have you put him?’
“‘Why, out there in the pig-pen, to be sure.’
“‘Oh, dear me!’ says Huldy, ‘that’s the well-curb—there ain’t no pig-pen
built,’ says she.
“‘Lordy massy!’ says the parson; ‘then I’ve thrown the pig in the well!’
“Wal, Huldy, she worked and worked, and finally she fished piggy out in
the bucket, but he was as dead as a door-nail; and she got him out o’
the way quietly, and didn’t say much; and the parson he took to a great
Hebrew book in his study.
“Arter that the parson set sich store by Huldy that he come to her and
asked her about everything, and it was amazin’ how everything she put
her hand to prospered. Huldy planted marigolds and larkspurs, pinks and
carnations, all up and down the path to the front door; and trained up
mornin’ glories and scarlet runners round the windows. And she was
always gettin’ a root here, and a sprig there, and a seed from somebody
else; for Huldy was one o’ them that has the gift, so that ef you jist
give ’em the leastest of anything they make a great bush out of it right
away; so that in six months Huldy had roses and geraniums and lilies,
sich as it would take a gardener to raise.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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