The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
_MY SUMMER IN A GARDEN._
SECOND WEEK.
NEXT to deciding when to start your garden, the most important matter
is, what to put in it. It is difficult to decide what to order for
dinner on a given day: how much more oppressive is it to order in a lump
an endless vista of dinners, so to speak! For, unless your garden is a
boundless prairie (and mine seems to me to be that when I hoe it on hot
days), you must make a selection, from the great variety of vegetables,
of those you will raise in it; and you feel rather bound to supply your
own table from your own garden, and to eat only as you have sown.
I hold that no man has a right (whatever his sex, of course) to have a
garden to his own selfish uses. He ought not to please himself, but
every man to please his neighbour. I tried to have a garden that would
give general moral satisfaction. It seemed to me that nobody could
object to potatoes (a most useful vegetable); and I began to plant
them freely. But there was a chorus of protest against them. “You
don’t want to take up your ground with potatoes,” the neighbours said:
“you can buy potatoes” (the very thing I wanted to avoid doing is
buying things). “What you want is the perishable things that you
cannot get fresh in the market.”—“But what kind of perishable things?”
A horticulturist of eminence wanted me to sow lines of strawberries
and raspberries right over where I had put my potatoes in drills. I
had about five hundred strawberry-plants in another part of my garden;
but this fruit-fanatic wanted me to turn my whole patch into vines and
runners. I suppose I could raise strawberries enough for all my
neighbours; and perhaps I ought to do it. I had a little space
prepared for melons,—musk-melons,—which I showed to an experienced
friend. “You are not going to waste your ground on musk-melons?” he
asked. “They rarely ripen in this climate thoroughly, before frost.”
He had tried for years without luck. I resolved not to go into such a
foolish experiment. But, the next day, another neighbour happened in.
“Ah! I see you are going to have melons. My family would rather give
up anything else in the garden than musk-melons,—of the nutmeg
variety. They are the most grateful things we have on the table.” So
there it was. There was no compromise: it was melons or no melons, and
somebody offended in any case. I half resolved to plant them a little
late, so that they would, and they wouldn’t. But I had the same
difficulty about string-beans (which I detest), and squash (which I
tolerate), and parsnips, and the whole round of green things.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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