The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
The mansion—the Colonel’s usual name for the house—was a rickety old
two-storey frame of considerable size, which had been painted, some time
or other, but had nearly forgotten it. It was away out in the ragged
edge of Washington, and had once been somebody’s country place. It had a
neglected yard around it, with a paling fence that needed straightening
up, in places, and a gate that would stay shut. By the door-post were
several modest tin signs. “Col. Mulberry Sellers, Attorney-at-Law and
Claim Agent,” was the principal one. One learned from the others that
the Colonel was a Materialiser, a Hypnotiser, a Mind-cure dabbler, and
so on. For he was a man who could always find things to do.
A white-headed negro man, with spectacles and damaged white cotton
gloves, appeared in the presence, made a stately obeisance, and
announced—
“Marse Washington Hawkins, suh.”
“Great Scott! Show him in, Dan’l, show him in.”
[Illustration: “A STOUTISH, DISCOURAGED-LOOKING MAN.”]
The Colonel and his wife were on their feet in a moment, and the
next moment were joyfully wringing the hands of a stoutish,
discouraged-looking man, whose general aspect suggested that he was
fifty years old, but whose hair swore to a hundred.
“Well, well, well, Washington, my boy, it _is_ good to look at you
again. Sit down, sit down, and make yourself at home. There now—why, you
look perfectly natural; ageing a little, just a little, but you’d have
known him anywhere, wouldn’t you, Polly?”
“Oh, yes, Berry, he’s _just_ like his pa would have looked if he’d
lived. Dear, dear, where have you dropped from? Let me see, how long is
it since——”
“I should say it’s all of fifteen years, Mrs. Sellers.”
“Well, well, how time does get away with us. Yes, and oh, the changes
that——”
There was a sudden catch of her voice and a trembling of the lip, the
men waiting reverently for her to get command of herself and go on; but,
after a little struggle, she turned away with her apron to her eyes, and
softly disappeared.
“Seeing you made her think of the children, poor thing—dear, dear,
they’re all dead but the youngest. But banish care, it’s no time for it
now—on with the dance, let joy be unconfided, is my motto—whether
there’s any dance to dance or any joy to unconfide, you’ll be the
healthier for it every time—every time, Washington—it’s my experience,
and I’ve seen a good deal of this world. Come, where have you
disappeared to all these years, and are you from there now, or where are
you from?”
“I don’t quite think you would ever guess, Colonel. Cherokee Strip.”
“My land!”
“Sure as you live.”
“You can’t mean it. Actually _living_ out there?”
“Well, yes, if a body may call it that; though it’s a pretty strong term
for ’dobies and jackass rabbits, boiled beans and slap-jacks,
depression, withered hopes, poverty in all its varieties——”
“Louise out there?”
“Yes, and the children.”
“Out there now?”
“Yes, I couldn’t afford to bring them with me.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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