“You are in many wespects an extwaawdinawy lad, Wumpf; and tho I am quite willing to make an extheption in your favour,--open the door!” “Will you dispense me from _carcer_?” “Yeth.” “Do you intend to expel me?” “No, in the devil’th name.” “Give me your word of honour, Herr Professor!” “Wumpf, how dare you?” “Your word of honour, Herr Professor!” “Vewy good, you have it!” “Jupiter Ultor is witness.” “What?” “I call upon the gods for witnesses.” “Open the door, I thay!” “Presently, Herr Professor. You are sure you bear me no grudge?” “No, no, no! _Will_ you open that door?” “You give me full absolution?” “Yes, under the condition that you tell nobody a word of your guilty conduct. I have told you that I take you to be an extwaawdinawy lad, Wumpf----” “Thank you for your good opinion. My word of honour then that so long as you are in your present position at the town gymnasium no word shall pass my lips!” With that he turned the key and opened the door. Like the king in Uhland’s ballad did Samuel Heinzerling step out into the pure air of heaven. He took a deep breath; then, brushing his hair from his brow as if trying to remember something, he said-- “Wumpf, I can take a joke ath well ath any man; but I wish you would do me the favour not to mimic me in future. You--you weally do it too well!” “Your wish is my law!” “Vewy good! And now you’d betht hathten down to the clath-woom. It’th not yet a quarter to--you’ll be just in time!” “But how can I do that, Herr Professor? They all know that you have given me three days!” “Vewy good! I’ll go with you.” They quickly walked downstairs. “Inaddlaw!” called the professor into the basement door. The _pedell_ appeared at once and officiously asked what was his behest. “I have dithpenthed Wumpf fwom his penalty faw sevewal weasons,” said Samuel. “Ah! that is what you came back for. Well, all I wish to say is that Herr Rumpf was not at all quiet in his cell. It’s none of my business, I suppose, but he shouted and swore like a good ’un----” “Well, never mind, Inaddlaw; I have thpecial motiveth faw dealing leniently with him thith time. You may wemove the key to the _cawcer_.” _Ernest Eckstein._ _OUR WAR-CORRESPONDENT._ THE natural and justifiable mistrust which the reading public brings to bear upon published reports from military headquarters has caused us to send our extra special correspondent, Herr Wippchen, whose presence has already graced several official festivities at the porter brewery, as well as two general assemblies of the architects’ club, to be an eye-witness upon the field occupied just now by the oriental question. No sooner was our intention made public than four managers of the most renowned life insurance companies applied to us, declaring their willingness to insure the life of our Wippchen against all the dangers of war upon the most reasonable conditions.