During this period of his restless life Hans decidedly preferred the street and its details to domestic happiness, to the quiet undisturbed peace of his own home. Oh, thou blessed time of dirty hands and bleeding noses, of torn jackets and rumbled hair! Woe to the man who has never known thee! It were better for him if he had not known some other things which loving relations and friends with the darkly melancholy look blandly praised and recommended! _Wilhelm Raabe._ _NEWSPAPER HUMOUR._ _Shoemakers Apprentice_ (passing by a baker’s stand): “Got any stale rolls?” _Baker_: “Yes, my lad.” _Apprentice_: “Serves you right. You should have sold ’em when they were fresh.” IN COURT.--_Judge_: “How is it that you picked up a number of comparatively worthless articles, and left the money, which was close at hand, untouched?” _Criminal_: “I hope your honour won’t find fault with me for that. My wife has been hard enough on me about it.” _Restaurant-keeper_ (to guest reading his paper): “I am very sorry, sir, to be obliged to ask you not to lunch here in future. You shake your head all the time. _I_ know it’s the politics, but others don’t know it, and it’s hurting my reputation.” AT A RESTAURANT.--“This beefsteak is so tough the knife won’t go through.” _Restaurant-keeper_: “Waiter, another knife for the gentleman.” [Illustration: “GOODNESS, HOW YOU LOOK, CHILD!”] _Father_: “Goodness, how you look, child!” _Frankie_: “I fell into the canal.” _Father_: “What! With your new trousers on?” _Frankie_: “I didn’t have time to take ’em off.” “ALLOW me, Mademoiselle, to present this to you.” “No, no, I do not wish to accept a present.” “It is a volume of my poems.” “Ah, that is different. I could not have permitted you to give me anything _valuable_.” _Judge_ (to an individual notorious for thievish proclivities): “I was told you stole wood the other day. That is not true, is it, Peter?” _Peter_: “Nay, Herr Judge.” _Judge_: “The policeman says he found the wood at your house. That can’t be so?” _Peter_: “Nay, Herr Judge.” _Judge_: “Well, Peter, I’ll sentence you to six weeks in gaol. That’s not too much, is it?” _Peter_: “Nay, Herr Judge.” “I WONDER why that gentleman over there is holding the paper up before his face for such an interminable length of time?” “The explanation is very simple. Because his tailor happens to be sitting at our table.” A CONSIDERATE YOUTH.--_Aunt_: “Well, Fritz, I hear you were flogged in school to-day?” _Fritz_: “Yes, but it didn’t hurt.” _Aunt_: “I thought I heard you cry.” _Fritz_: “I did that to please the teacher.” “YOU advertise your socks to have fast colours, and now I had on a pair for two days, and for a fortnight I have not been able to get the colour off from my feet.” “Well, don’t you call that a fast colour? What more can you wish?” AT THE LIVERY STABLE.--“How much do you ask for this horse by the hour?” “One thaler.”