“That is, I trust, counting up to the time when the horse returns? It is quite likely I shall be here somewhat later!” _Doctor_: “I know just what will help you. You must drink two cups of very strong tea every morning.” _Patient_: “Why, that is just what I have done for years.” _Doctor_: “Then you must stop it.” “HENRY, my cigars are disappearing at a great rate. Is it possible that within the short time you have been in my service----” “Never fear, sir; I have three boxes full left from my last master.” _Lieutenant A._ (relating his gallant adventures at the ball): “A crowd of ladies stood about me, waiting for me to say something very brilliant.” _Lieutenant B._: “Of course you kept them in suspense.” _Lieutenant A._: “Most certainly I did.” _New Burgomaster_: “No celebrity ever been born in this town?” _First Citizen_: “Not yet, unfortunately; but all that will be different under your administration.” _A._ (to a young doctor): “How many rooms have you?” _B._: “First, there is a waiting-room.” _A._: “Pardon me for interrupting you. What do you call a waiting-room? Is it a room in which your patients wait for you, or one in which you wait for patients?” _A._: “Dr. Krampel has saved my life.” _B._: “I did not know that you were ever in his treatment.” _A._: “No, when I consulted him he advised me to go to another physician.” POETRY AND PROSE.--“Tell me what it was that inspired you to write this glorious poem?” _Poet_: “My youngest needed a new suit of clothes.” _Lady_ (roguishly to her partner): “So you too are a conductor on the road to Hades?” _Young Physician_: “You mistake, I am less than that--in fact, merely a brakesman!” _Baroness_: “Your daughter will find a kind mistress in me. I trust she is accustomed to work and to early rising?” _Peasant_: “That she is, ma’am. She can serve you as an example.” [Illustration: COQUETRY AVENGED.] _Coquetry Avenged._--_Lady_: “Ah, Herr Lieutenant, I have rejected many addresses!” _Lieutenant_: “Is that so? Well, you have had time to do so!” _Judge_: “Prisoner, do you confess your guilt?” _Prisoner_: “No. The words of my counsel have convinced me of my innocence.” _Lady_: “And so you are a friend of my son Edward? I shall be delighted to hear what news you can tell me about him. Is he enjoying his studies at the university, and has he grown accustomed to the intricacies of town-life? Has he learned to find his way about?” _Student_: “Oh yes, he is all right so far as that is concerned. Only he has some difficulty in finding his way home from the tavern.” “COME, John, get up on the mare!” “Pray, why should I make such a detour to get around to the other side?” AT THE BALL.--_Gentleman_: “Do you play on the piano?” _Lady_: “No.” _Gentleman_: “Ah, then you sing?” _Lady_: “No, sir,--neither have I had the influenza.”