_Maid_ (to her young mistress, who has written a love-letter for her at her request): “Oh, thank you so much, Miss! The letter is beautiful. But please don’t forget to put a postscript: Excuse bad writin’ and spellin’!” “IT is very provoking that your wife should have read my last letter to you. I thought you said she never opens your letters?” “She doesn’t generally, but you committed the folly of writing ‘Private’ upon the envelope.” IF you ask a man for the date of his birth, he tells you only the year; if you ask a woman, she never tells you more than the day. _Custodian of the Schloss at Heidelberg_ (explaining the functions of his office to stranger): “What the professors are to the university, that _we_ are to the Schloss.” IN COURT.--_Defendant_: “Gentlemen, I have much to say in favour of my client. First----” _Prisoner_ (interrupting him): “You’d better not give yourself any trouble trying to pull me through, Herr Doctor. I take it the gentlemen haven’t much faith left in either of us.” _A._: “I wish I knew something to give my uncle for his birthday. He is such an old miser that no matter what I buy him, I’m sure he will not use it.” _B._: “Why, that’s glorious! All you have to do is to fill half-a-dozen of bottles with water, cork and seal them well, and stick on a label, ‘Old Rhine Wine, 1780.’” FREDERICK, a tailor’s apprentice, has lent a shilling to Henry, a barbers journeyman. To show his gratitude, Henry says: “Frederick, if you should ever get into straits, if all your friends should fall off from you; if your father and mother, your sister and brother, should leave you in the lurch, then come to me, and take my word for it, _I’ll shave you, and never charge you a penny_!” _Stranger_: “Beg pardon, sir, will you tell me which road I must take to get to the university?” _First Student_: “I don’t know precisely myself. It is only two years since I came here. It is more likely you know, Bummer--you’ve been here for eight years.” _Second Student_: “I? I have forgotten long ago.” NOTE. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS are here tendered to Herr Wilhelm Raabe, for his kind permission to include the translation from _Hunger-Pastor_; to Herr Julius Stinde, for his kind permission to translate from the _Familie Buchholz_; to Herr W. H. Riehl and his publisher, to translate from _Jörg Muckenhuber_; to Herr Friedrich Theodor v. Vischer, and to the Deutsche Verlagsanstalt, Stuttgart, to translate from Herr v. Vischer’s _Auch Einer_; to Herr Ernst Eckstein, to translate from _Besuch im Carcer_; to Messrs. Kegan Paul, Trench, Trübner, & Co., Limited, and to Mr. Leland, for their kind permission to include Mr. Leland’s translations of Scheffel and others (see _Gaudeamus_, published by Messrs. Kegan Paul). Best thanks are also to be accorded to various German authors and publishers, who have so courteously sanctioned translated extracts. BIOGRAPHICAL INDEX OF WRITERS.